Derppppp 129 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 OK,I'm currently in a predicament. I have a group of friends(4) whom i hold dearly.But i cant help always feeling left out. I feel more like a person,not a friend that they think of when they need help with anything,but after they're done with me.They cast me aside. An example would be that whenever there's only space for 3 instead of 4,i will ALWAYS be the one left out.Unless 1 of them cant make it or doesn't want to go,then i'll get the "invitation". And if either 1 of them have any personal issues,i will always be the last to get wind of it. And worst still,through the mouth of someone who isn't close to us. This isn't a one time issue.About a month ago,i made up my mind to end this friendship.But after a long talk with them,they assured me that it will never happen again.I caved,thinking that since we've thrashed things out.Things will be different. But now here i am.Feeling disappointed and lost.They may have noticed a change in my behavior towards them,but they don't seem to care much. I've started talking to a colleague of mine about this problem and he has been a great help to me, giving me advice and consoling me.So far,what he advised me is do nothing.Treat this as a cooling down period for all of us.But every time i see them,a part of me gets this hollow feeling. I haven spoken to them for about 5 days now even though we see each other everyday. We're colleagues. I am a impulsive person and i tend to do things that i'll regret later on. So right now i'm holding myself back from confronting them.Can you please give me advice on what i should do? TIA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katt 6,307 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 OK,I'm currently in a predicament. I have a group of friends(4) whom i hold dearly.But i cant help always feeling left out. I feel more like a person,not a friend that they think of when they need help with anything,but after they're done with me.They cast me aside. An example would be that whenever there's only space for 3 instead of 4,i will ALWAYS be the one left out.Unless 1 of them cant make it or doesn't want to go,then i'll get the "invitation". And if either 1 of them have any personal issues,i will always be the last to get wind of it. And worst still,through the mouth of someone who isn't close to us. This isn't a one time issue.About a month ago,i made up my mind to end this friendship.But after a long talk with them,they assured me that it will never happen again.I caved,thinking that since we've thrashed things out.Things will be different. But now here i am.Feeling disappointed and lost.They may have noticed a change in my behavior towards them,but they don't seem to care much. I've started talking to a colleague of mine about this problem and he has been a great help to me, giving me advice and consoling me.So far,what he advised me is do nothing.Treat this as a cooling down period for all of us.But every time i see them,a part of me gets this hollow feeling. I haven spoken to them for about 5 days now even though we see each other everyday. We're colleagues. I am a impulsive person and i tend to do things that i'll regret later on. So right now i'm holding myself back from confronting them.Can you please give me advice on what i should do? TIA Confront them Your feelings are valid and even though you expressed them before, nothings changed Let them know how you are feeling, if they really value as a friend they will make an effort to include you more If not, move on because you'll always be unhappy about it otherwise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulldog 956 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Confront them Your feelings are valid and even though you expressed them before, nothings changed Let them know how you are feeling, if they really value as a friend they will make an effort to include you more If not, move on because you'll always be unhappy about it otherwise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hqnnik 1,528 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 I really think you should tell them, like maybe not as a whole group but one of them at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IntelligentYou 2,661 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 OK,I'm currently in a predicament. I have a group of friends(4) whom i hold dearly.But i cant help always feeling left out. I feel more like a person,not a friend that they think of when they need help with anything,but after they're done with me.They cast me aside. An example would be that whenever there's only space for 3 instead of 4,i will ALWAYS be the one left out.Unless 1 of them cant make it or doesn't want to go,then i'll get the "invitation". And if either 1 of them have any personal issues,i will always be the last to get wind of it. And worst still,through the mouth of someone who isn't close to us. This isn't a one time issue.About a month ago,i made up my mind to end this friendship.But after a long talk with them,they assured me that it will never happen again.I caved,thinking that since we've thrashed things out.Things will be different. But now here i am.Feeling disappointed and lost.They may have noticed a change in my behavior towards them,but they don't seem to care much. I've started talking to a colleague of mine about this problem and he has been a great help to me, giving me advice and consoling me.So far,what he advised me is do nothing.Treat this as a cooling down period for all of us.But every time i see them,a part of me gets this hollow feeling. I haven spoken to them for about 5 days now even though we see each other everyday. We're colleagues. I am a impulsive person and i tend to do things that i'll regret later on. So right now i'm holding myself back from confronting them.Can you please give me advice on what i should do? TIA Tell them how you feel again and if nothing changes make new friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dasom's Nose 1,100 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 your feelings are valid op don't let anybody tell you otherwise. you can confront them again, and if nothing changes, maybe instead of cutting ties, you can treat them like just another friends of yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinnfb 10,968 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 If you already talked to them before and nothing changed I don't think confronting them again will change things. One thing that is important for you to know is not to blame yourself because sometimes people just don't click and it doesn't necessarily have to do with anything bad one of them said or done but something that just sometimes naturally happens instead. If I were you I would be civil and polite towards them since while they made you feel left you, it seems like you haven't heard anything about them talking behind your back but I would try to spend more time and focus on other friendships that I have. The colleague you mentioned seem to be a good example of a person you can try to get closer to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiraishin 1,276 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Do you need them in your life? Are they an important and valuable asset to your everyday living? Do you feel like you can't make it without them? Or are you just disappointed in the fact that you're not as needed as you wished to be? People grow apart, and naturally feel closer to certain people more than to other. People don't want things to be forced on them, so confronting them and trying to "make them" pay more attention to you isn't going to work or have a positive impact on your relationship. Sometimes people need to accept the fact that they may not be the first choice to others and just go with the flow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheHulk 479 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Honestly, I used to have friends like that and I just stopped talking to them and then later they start to notice me distancing them. That's when I figure if they even care about me. So if I were you, I would try to figure out if they're using you or if they actually care about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sully 4,318 Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 I'd say stay polite to them when needed, but don't go through any extra effort to be overly friendly (you going and talking to them unless it's work related) or invite them to things. If you see them and you make eye contact just give a little smile (the kind strangers give) and be on your way. And start a process of meeting new people so you can make new friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heart and Seoul 1,218 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 I think if you're getting feelings of being left out, it's cause they're leaving you out. This isn't necessarily your fault, sometimes in a group of friends situation, certain people after a time can drift closer together and further away from other members of the group. This happened to me in school where I was in a group of 3, and more and more I noticed that the other two were doing stuff without me. The final straw was when I found out they'd gone to the park with their boyfriends without me, when I was the only one who even lived remotely close to the park. So eventually I had enough of sitting with them while they whispered around me and talked about their weekends while I didn't have the foggiest about what was going on, and switched groups essentially by sitting with other people at lunch, and honestly looking back I would say the best friend I ever had in school came from that new group. I think your colleague who you mentioned would be the "new group" equivalent, saying he's been great and consoling, he's obviously someone you feel comfortable around, which is good and a clear sign to me that you'd be happier in his company than with the three other people who are leaving you with a "hollow feeling." Just my two cents because I've been where you've been and I was a lot happier once I got out of that situation. Good luck with whatever you decide though, hope it all works out for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil 139 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I would be polite and just stop hanging out with them in general..like they are treating you like an acquaintance really...I would try to talk to other people and be friends with them instead. They seem rather rude to be honest. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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