Does anyone have a loved one that has gone through or is going through stage 4 breast cancer?

[GirlCrush:Joy]

As the title says, would you mind giving me some insight into what it's like, I'll take anything I get.

 

#wellwishesandhealth or #peaceinheaven to those loved ones in advance.

 

And I do apologize for such a sour subject.

[Aitso]

One of the most incredible women to ever have been in my life had stage 4 breast cancer when it was diagnosed. I was a kid.

 

Even though I was a kid, it was not fun and it can be really traumatic. It's really heartbreaking to see someone you care about become frail and gaunt, and be in constant horrible pain.

 

In her case she was not around for more than a few months before she died.

 

Many women live for years after advancement to stage 4, however. All I can say is - if you have someone in your life who has gotten to that point just be there as much as you can. Try to be prepared, but savor moments with them. Value the time you spend together.

[Belle.]

Yes my best friend... she was strong and now after the surgery she is completely healthy

[Double_Diffuser]

I'm going to be completely honest here. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer when I was in 6th grade. Luckily, they had deemed that it hadn't spread beyond 3 auxillary lymph nodes, so they did a masectomy + removed as many nodes as they could. Underwent chemo shortly after and was on tamoxifen for 5 years afterwards. We thought she had beaten it. 

 

Turns out, breast cancer (cancer in general) is a complete bitch. Even 13 years post, during an annual mammogram screening, they noticed a mass in the RT breast. Completely confused. Shortly after, my mom was complaining more frequently of rib pain, especially at night. Apparently, there is such a thing as late breast cancer recurrence (yes, even 10+ years post treatment). They found bone mets in her ribs, vertebrate and pelvis, in addition to the existing mass in the RT breast. Unlike the instance with the primary tumor in the breast, bone mets are basically a death sentence. There are no chemo drugs to stop or kill it, you can only slow it down and manage it until death eventually comes. 

 

The first thing, in your scenario (I don't how close you are to the affected patient), is to not second guess everything. There's nothing you can do about it anymore: no "what if I had done a mammogram every 6 mo instead of 1 yr? what if I had changed my diet 10 years earlier? what if I had gotten the dimpling in the nipple checked out earlier?". Firstly, the reality is what it is, but please don't let that stop you and the patient from enjoying however much time you have with one another. Appreciate things a little bit more, make a log to remember the happy times that you've spent together. It's going to suck revisiting this stuff when you know he/she is going to die, but you're going to appreciate the hell out of it. Secondly, don't ever listen to prognosticators giving you a time frame; whenever it comes is fine, but don't count down the days until you know/think he/she is going to die. Statistics and predictions are frequently WRONG. A doctor can give 6 months and it might end up 6 years. Hell, I know of case where the patient ended up living longer than the doctor who gave the initial diagnosis (19 years!). Thirdly, if it is someone REALLY close to you and you don't have others/don't want to share it with everybody at work/school, don't hesitate to reach out to support groups. There are a number of online forums and sites that give support, and are heroically living while offering support to others in similar situations.

 

Sorry I went on a bit of a long story there, but know that there are a lot of people who can help you. Don't feel isolated in trying to burden yourself with your own issues. It can get overwhelming. 

[Arietta]

I was maybe 10 when she was diagnosed. She battled with cancer close to 4 years and it became kind of "normal" to me. Like I became used to her always going to the hospital for appointments and treatments and I would come along sometimes and play video games by her side as she would get chemo. During those 4 years, there were ups and downs. There was one point where she got a lot better. Her hair started growing back and she started going to the gym. She was seriously fitter than me! I thought she was going to kick cancer's ass for sure. As time went on, she unfortunately got sicker as the cancer spread. During the last few months it was so hard to see her become so weak after seeing her so well. 

 

She was an amazing woman and a real fighter. She would always try her best to never let me see her in pain...it breaks my heart just thinking about that. 

[wowjustwow]

my mom got breast cancer stage 2 when i was 8th grade. it was hard for her. she have to take chemo therapy which is make her body feels not good. my father told me and my brother that maybe we would have to sell our house and our car. and i was like" aaa.. we need alot of money to her treatment". i live in small city so the treatment was limited. she had to remove one of her breast.

 

now, she is very healthy. she tell me her secret to keep herself strong. she was trying very hard to keep her mind remind positive, don't let herself stress too much. she always thinking that cancer is part of her, it is something we don't need to blame. and she always ask God to give her more time, so she can watch her children grow up.

 

 oh! not long after my mom recover from breast cancer, my grandmother got brain cancer stage 4. suddenly she fell in bathroom, unmove. in hospital after scanning everything, the doctor said she got brain cancer stage 4. she can't move her body, can't remember almost everything. her docter said she will die in 3 months. we didn't tell her. she eat her medicine deligently, keep trying to move her body, and always keep positive. then, alittle by alittle, finally she can stand up!!!. she still alive after 1 year, even the docter said "you still alive?" they scanning everything, the result is the cancer is gone. her brain is clear. 5 years later she passed away not because the cancer but heart atack.

 

edit: she need more than 2 year until she can stand up. then we take her to docter to do scanning. sorry for my english

[haku]

my older sister diagnosed with it few months ago and still under chemo now. it is her 2nd breast cancer. i don't know what stage she is, but for sure it is worse than few years back/the 1st one. the current one is affecting her leg which makes its quite hurt for her to walk. we keep fighting and do anything to keep her energy and to stable her cindition. she doesn't eat msg at all and only eat things that can improve and boost her condition.

 

one thing for sure, always keep the positivity because the possibility of something goes wrong is high.

[monologue]

I don't want to go into details on this shitty forum but a patient close to me had similar experiences to what Double_Diffuser described

 

Stage 4 is unlikely to be completely cured, just managed. Spend your time well with this person

 

[GirlCrush:Joy]

I'm going to be completely honest here. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer when I was in 6th grade. Luckily, they had deemed that it hadn't spread beyond 3 auxillary lymph nodes, so they did a masectomy + removed as many nodes as they could. Underwent chemo shortly after and was on tamoxifen for 5 years afterwards. We thought she had beaten it.

 

Turns out, breast cancer (cancer in general) is a complete bitch. Even 13 years post, during an annual mammogram screening, they noticed a mass in the RT breast. Completely confused. Shortly after, my mom was complaining more frequently of rib pain, especially at night. Apparently, there is such a thing as late breast cancer recurrence (yes, even 10+ years post treatment). They found bone mets in her ribs, vertebrate and pelvis, in addition to the existing mass in the RT breast. Unlike the instance with the primary tumor in the breast, bone mets are basically a death sentence. There are no chemo drugs to stop or kill it, you can only slow it down and manage it until death eventually comes.

 

The first thing, in your scenario (I don't how close you are to the affected patient), is to not second guess everything. There's nothing you can do about it anymore: no "what if I had done a mammogram every 6 mo instead of 1 yr? what if I had changed my diet 10 years earlier? what if I had gotten the dimpling in the nipple checked out earlier?". Firstly, the reality is what it is, but please don't let that stop you and the patient from enjoying however much time you have with one another. Appreciate things a little bit more, make a log to remember the happy times that you've spent together. It's going to suck revisiting this stuff when you know he/she is going to die, but you're going to appreciate the hell out of it. Secondly, don't ever listen to prognosticators giving you a time frame; whenever it comes is fine, but don't count down the days until you know/think he/she is going to die. Statistics and predictions are frequently WRONG. A doctor can give 6 months and it might end up 6 years. Hell, I know of case where the patient ended up living longer than the doctor who gave the initial diagnosis (19 years!). Thirdly, if it is someone REALLY close to you and you don't have others/don't want to share it with everybody at work/school, don't hesitate to reach out to support groups. There are a number of online forums and sites that give support, and are heroically living while offering support to others in similar situations.

 

Sorry I went on a bit of a long story there, but know that there are a lot of people who can help you. Don't feel isolated in trying to burden yourself with your own issues. It can get overwhelming.

 

Thankyou for this, I have also been doing some research on it. It's stage 4 cancer with bone metastasis btw. But mentally we were prepared because it took a long time for a diagnosis, we initially started with a high possibility of multiple myeloma.

 

Her sister and mother are flying in, and my mom is a religious person, in that aspect she found comfort, she just seems accepting of whatever the consequences because she feels she's done good in her life on earth. At the same time she doesn't have a defeatist mentality, she will fight strong (since there are younger kids involved) but with a realistic outlook.

 

As for me, I don't get emotional ... I don't think I will while she's around, someone has to be that way for her. I just wanted to know what I can do as someone who is expected to care for her during these times, just a summary ahead of it all

[Double_Diffuser]

Thankyou for this, I have also been doing some research on it. It's stage 4 cancer with bone metastasis btw. But mentally we were prepared because it took a long time for a diagnosis, we initially started with a high possibility of multiple myeloma.

 

Her sister and mother are flying in, and my mom is a religious person, in that aspect she found comfort, she just seems accepting of whatever the consequences because she feels she's done good in her life on earth. At the same time she doesn't have a defeatist mentality, she will fight strong (since there are younger kids involved) but with a realistic outlook.

 

As for me, I don't get emotional ... I don't think I will while she's around, someone has to be that way for her. I just wanted to know what I can do as someone who is expected to care for her during these times, just a summary ahead of it all

 

ah, I see. It's good to know that she is handling it so well. During the last days of stage 4 cancer, it's not pretty. Loss of bladder and bowel control is quite common. Involuntary shakes, or restless movement is also a feature. As it is with most patients dealing with body wasting cachexia, basic functions like breathing and talking will be very difficult, she may not even know what day it is, or be really agitated to the environment around her. Important to keep her warm with blankets (due to loss of muscle and fat), keep her slightly elevated to assist with breathing. It's going to be a struggle for her, do your best to make everything comfortable for her. It's great she has a good support system around her. I sincerely wish you and your family the best of luck.