Manic 499 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Ok. So it's not exactly body dysmorphia, but they have lowkey mentioned that they think they have it bc one of their siblings pointed out how they fit a few of the symptoms. But i mean, the fact they acknowledged this makes me confused as to why they don't seem to want to work on their issues? i am their only means of outside support, they dont want therapy or want to communicate w their parents about their problems (and imo their parents are psychos so i can kinda not blame them, but i still think they could find a way). like, I literally told them "go to therapy" and they were all like, lol nah... i torment myself on a daily basis but like "YOU are my therapist". And I told them, gurl, no. I cant help but feel disgusted and annoyed. She is looking at people's bodies and comparing herself constantly, she refers to herself as "abnormal" which is just so freaky... and my brain keeps telling me to feel ashamed of how shallow she is being despite the fact that she's always been sincere, sweet and logical about everything else. I read online that this is a common (and wrong) mentality for people w loved ones suffering from this since they find it hard to give the person sympathy. I'm probably a big bitch for it, but I want to change that. I also want to help her, but I don't want to play the hero and go through some self-righteous phase of "saving" her since 1) im not a professional 2) shes not asking for help. she hasnt told me anything about self harm, but i get worried that she keeps herself bottled up. ask questions if my op is confusing af, pls help also juseyo unnis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Hyoshin's vocal coach 4,019 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Ok. So it's not exactly body dysmorphia, but they have lowkey mentioned that they think they have it bc one of their siblings pointed out how they fit a few of the symptoms. But i mean, the fact they acknowledged this makes me confused as to why they don't seem to want to work on their issues? i am their only means of outside support, they dont want therapy or want to communicate w their parents about their problems (and imo their parents are psychos so i can kinda not blame them, but i still think they could find a way). like, I literally told them "go to therapy" and they were all like, lol nah... i torment myself on a daily basis but like "YOU are my therapist". And I told them, gurl, no. I cant help but feel disgusted and annoyed. She is looking at people's bodies and comparing herself constantly, she refers to herself as "abnormal" which is just so freaky... and my brain keeps telling me to feel ashamed of how shallow she is being despite the fact that she's always been sincere, sweet and logical about everything else. I read online that this is a common (and wrong) mentality for people w loved ones suffering from this since they find it hard to give the person sympathy. I'm probably a big bitch for it, but I want to change that. I also want to help her, but I don't want to play the hero and go through some self-righteous phase of "saving" her since 1) im not a professional 2) shes not asking for help. she hasnt told me anything about self harm, but i get worried that she keeps herself bottled up. ask questions if my op is confusing af, pls help also juseyo unnis Do you mean that she has low self esteem? You can try praising her for her looks or teach her makeup techniques, help her lose weight and all that stuff. Surround her with positivity or make her distracted with other things so she can lose focus on her low self esteem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic 499 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 ok i do not understand how all of you ppl can psychoanalyze ur biases but cant help me in my crisis like? Do you mean that she has low self esteem? You can try praising her for her looks or teach her makeup techniques, help her lose weight and all that stuff. Surround her with positivity or make her distracted with other things so she can lose focus on her low self esteem hi thank u hello She has low self esteem, but it runs deeper than that. She is fit and athletic, and knows how to look hot af, but even though she admits that, she's constantly thinking she can do better (but like I said, she keeps those comments to herself and me). She dismisses compliments because she doesn't think they're sincere-- it just feels like a band aid on a gaping wound. But tbh I will try to make sure she feels beautiful so thx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelliabloom 4,557 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You can't. It's a disease that will forever remain superficial to other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic 499 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 You can't. It's a disease that will forever remain superficial to other people. hello friend thx for reply so like do you have any idea what i can do if it's impossible for me to understand her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darling 1,107 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I read once that people with body dysmorphia would rather suffer than be told that nothing is wrong. I have never been diagnosed with body dysmorphia, but I do suffer this symptom and my siblings think that I "have it" :eyeroll:. Unless you are qualified to help someone with this kind of disorder you should not drag yourself into it because it pretty much will screw you up. My mom went to churches to confessions behind my back because of how serious my issue got at one point. However, if your friend does not suffer from that kind of mentality, then they might not have body dysmorphia since I personally think this is the most important symptom in terms of recognizing body dysmorphia. However, I am not qualified enough to diagnose someone so you should take what I say with a wee grain of salt. Also, do not let them consider you as their personal therapist. if they do not get at least professional help or resolve their issues on their own (I am very spiritual, imo it is the best method when it comes to these kinds of things because if you seek proffesional help or any sort of outside help you are only attracting the negativity that you are talking about). In a nutshell, unless you are qualified don't even try to experiment around. Poeple with body dysmorphia will drag you to the depths of hell with them once it gets serious enough. But if you are really persistent about wanting to help her, I would suggest exposing her to spiritual activities like meditation, cleansing, etc because it is the best way to cope with internal problems. But she might not even have it, regardless of whether she does or not, I would still recommend this to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xiaodery 2,194 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 here you go http://www.wikihow.com/Help-Somebody-With-Body-Dysmorphic-Disorder-(BDD) http://bddfoundation.org/helping-you/family-and-friends/ hope it helps i don't know how some of that stuff is supposed to help but then again i'm no expert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic 499 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 I read once that people with body dysmorphia would rather suffer than be told that nothing is wrong. thank u for reply hi i guess i kinda wanted a conversation rather than a solution, so this response still helped the funny thing is, she is super super connected to her spirituality, and honestly i think it's a coping mechanism which really helps let her frustrations out ^ ^ can u explain this bolded part a little though? like telling someone that nothing is wrong is worse than telling them to suffer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sane 16,342 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 It's good that you want to help, and support is important, but don't be her emotional dumpster. She won't stop until you break, and neither of you will be better off for it. As long as she knows you're there for her when she really needs it, that's your job as a friend done. You're not qualified to handle her baggage, and she needs to fully understand and appreciate that. I read once that people with body dysmorphia would rather suffer than be told that nothing is wrong. I have never been diagnosed with body dysmorphia, but I do suffer this symptom and my siblings think that I "have it" :eyeroll:. Unless you are qualified to help someone with this kind of disorder you should not drag yourself into it because it pretty much will screw you up. My mom went to churches to confessions behind my back because of how serious my issue got at one point. However, if your friend does not suffer from that kind of mentality, then they might not have body dysmorphia since I personally think this is the most important symptom in terms of recognizing body dysmorphia. However, I am not qualified enough to diagnose someone so you should take what I say with a wee grain of salt. It's not that they'd rather suffer, it's that they genuinely believe something is wrong with them. Basically the difference is between dissatisfaction and dysmorphia. If you're just dissatisfied then being told nothing is wrong will make you feel good because it feels like maybe things aren't as bad as you thought, but if you're dysmorphic then being told there's nothing wrong will make you feel worse because it feels like you're being lied to. Thought vs belief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic 499 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 It's good that you want to help, and support is important, but don't be her emotional dumpster. She won't stop until you break, and neither of you will be better off for it. As long as she knows you're there for her when she really needs it, that's your job as a friend done. You're not qualified to handle her baggage, and she needs to fully understand and appreciate that. It's not that they'd rather suffer, it's that they genuinely believe something is wrong with them. Basically the difference is between dissatisfaction and dysmorphia. If you're just dissatisfied then being told nothing is wrong will make you feel good because it feels like maybe things aren't as bad as you thought, but if you're dysmorphic then being told there's nothing wrong will make you feel worse because it feels like you're being lied to. Thought vs belief. The last bit is spot on with my friend. Thanks for taking the time to write this out so clearly, since it's given me some important things to think about! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camelliabloom 4,557 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 hello friend thx for reply so like do you have any idea what i can do if it's impossible for me to understand her? Just be patient and listen to her, but don't let her go too far if she has an ED or anything like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darling 1,107 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 thank u for reply hii guess i kinda wanted a conversation rather than a solution, so this response still helpedthe funny thing is, she is super super connected to her spirituality, and honestly i think it's a coping mechanism which really helps let her frustrations out ^ ^ can u explain this bolded part a little though? like telling someone that nothing is wrong is worse than telling them to suffer? It's good that you want to help, and support is important, but don't be her emotional dumpster. She won't stop until you break, and neither of you will be better off for it. As long as she knows you're there for her when she really needs it, that's your job as a friend done. You're not qualified to handle her baggage, and she needs to fully understand and appreciate that. It's not that they'd rather suffer, it's that they genuinely believe something is wrong with them. Basically the difference is between dissatisfaction and dysmorphia. If you're just dissatisfied then being told nothing is wrong will make you feel good because it feels like maybe things aren't as bad as you thought, but if you're dysmorphic then being told there's nothing wrong will make you feel worse because it feels like you're being lied to. Thought vs belief. I would refer you to the article I read about body dysmorphia, but it is very long and I can not find it. And your last bold part does not nullify my point either, it just shows another thought process of dysmorphics that is actually kin to what I said. But to address your point directly: One of the symptoms of a body dysmorphic is that they ask for reassurance a lot (Tell me if your friend does this). It is one thing to be given reassurance by someone and believe that you are being lied to and it is another thing to ask for that reassurance and still feel you are being lied to (Which is what I believe to be typical BDD behaviour, again please correct me if I am wrong). They want to feel like nothing is wrong (hence the asking for reassurance), but they have gotten so obsessed to a point where this reassurance is meaningless. If you are so sure that you have an imperfection that is so obvious (And dysmorphics tend to be incredibly self-aware) why bother to ask for reassurance ? Because this is a sly way of a dysmorphic reinforcing their belief. They ask for positive reassurance and once they get it they ask more questions, similar questions that will not stop until the dysmorphic is reassured in the way they want to be reassured (and reassurance for them is augmenting their insecurity). Them wanting to suffer rather than being told nothing is wrong was a harsh way of putting things because no one really wants to suffer, but dysmorphics find comfort in reinforcing their beliefs, they find comfort in that kind of suffering because they are unfamiliar with anything else. Again, I am not qualified this just my take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sane 16,342 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I would refer you to the article I read about body dysmorphia, but it is very long and I can not find it. And your last bold part does not nullify my point either, it just shows another thought process of dysmorphics that is actually kin to what I said. But to address your point directly: One of the symptoms of a body dysmorphic is that they ask for reassurance a lot (Tell me if your friend does this). It is one thing to be given reassurance by someone and believe that you are being lied to and it is another thing to ask for that reassurance and still feel you are being lied to (Which is what I believe to be typical BDD behaviour, again please correct me if I am wrong). They want to feel like nothing is wrong (hence the asking for reassurance), but they have gotten so obsessed to a point where this reassurance is meaningless. If you are so sure that you have an imperfection that is so obvious (And dysmorphics tend to be incredibly self-aware) why bother to ask for reassurance ? Because this is a sly way of a dysmorphic reinforcing their belief. They ask for positive reassurance and once they get it they ask more questions, similar questions that will not stop until the dysmorphic is reassured in the way they want to be reassured (and reassurance for them is augmenting their insecurity). Them wanting to suffer rather than being told nothing is wrong was a harsh way of putting things because no one really wants to suffer, but dysmorphics find comfort in reinforcing their beliefs, they find comfort in that kind of suffering because they are unfamiliar with anything else. Again, I am not qualified this just my take. Well of course. Everybody feels a certain sense of comfort or satisfaction in having their beliefs reinforced, even if those beliefs aren't very pleasant themselves. That "I was right" feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darling 1,107 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well of course. Everybody feels a certain sense of comfort or satisfaction in having their beliefs reinforced, even if those beliefs aren't very pleasant themselves. That "I was right" feeling. I guess you understand my point, and the way a body dysmorphic goes about achieving that "I was right" feeling tends to be very devious and tormenting (for themselves and other people, which is what seperates them from "everybody else"), because what is the point of wanting positive reinforcement only to negate it in the end and thrive for that negativity ? Depending on the dysmorphic it could be unintentional or intentional, whether it is or is not you are still choosing to suffer rather then taking the reassurance you asked for even if that is a subconscious choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.