maidoan97 743 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Warning: long rant. You don't need to read this shit if you don't want to. Lately I've been thinking that I hate my life. Mainly because I'm a high school senior so I will have university entrance exam this year. You can say I'm lazy or whatever, but seriously, I'm not interested in studying at all. I don't even have a Major that I'm interested in. I just have to deal with this because I have to. If I don't go to university, I can't be a normal person in this society. Even if I can get to a university, doesn't it mean that I still have to do the thing I hate - studying? Maybe I don't feel like studying for exam because I have no desire to enter university. I'm a person who hates to do the things that I don't like. People can just suck it up but I always feel like I can't do that. I'm just frustrated that I don't want to do this shit but I still have to do it, and do it WELL. I also hate my life for these reasons: - If people don't have any talents, they have lovable personalities to make up for it. I have neither. - I am overweight. I can't just wear any clothes that I like. It's also hard for me to find clothes my size - I can't cook, which is the thing that all kids my age can do - I feel like I'm a burden to my family - I am shy and awkward. I can't approach people easy. I can never give a response in long sentences. - Despite living in Japan for three years, I'm still not fluent in the language. Sometimes I still have communication problems I thought of killing myself sometimes, but I'm not brave enough to do it, for these reasons: if I kill myself, it will be ANOTHER BURDEN for my family; I'm not good with pain; and I'm just scared of death. No one knows what happens after death. I've been feeling depressed lately. I don't know if it's because I live in a country where suicide rate is really high. This is like the third time this week I think of killing myself. Despite these though, I don't want to go see a psychiatrist or whatever. I believe my problem is not serious enough. Maybe I'll feel different tomorrow, idk XD Even when I feel like this, I always have to act like I'm okay and smile, even to my family. I don't think anyone can understand me. My parents have enough shit to deal with. Thank you for reading my long and depressing rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scissors 249 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Its going to sound harsh but I think you need to learn how to take some self-ownership. The problems you are experiencing can be dealt with when you decide to get up and go. Don't let society dictate what it means to be normal, as ideal as this sounds... you have to be you. College is where I found myself, and around the same time as you I felt a lot of fear throughout this step in life. This world is not for the naive, you have to be courageous. And I really suggest giving some thought to the word courage, what it means and how it applies to your life. No one really listens to advice, sometimes they just want to be heard and I can understand. I really suggest though, that you think about what I said, just for an extra 2 minutes. PS: On your fear of death, how can you be scared of something you don't know? ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorrow Air 29 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Are you calling everyone without a degree someone who's "Not normal person in the society"? Road workers, electrician, builders, carpenters, chefs... They're all not normal? My advice to you, if you don't feel like studying, take a break from study and start working first. No point entering university just to not attend classes and piling up student loans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlaveMaster 1,018 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 - If people don't have any talents, they have lovable personalities to make up for it. I have neither.- I am overweight. I can't just wear any clothes that I like. It's also hard for me to find clothes my size- I am shy and awkward. I can't approach people easy. I can never give a response in long sentences. This is so me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GGGGGGGGGG 3 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 What do you actually like doing then? I mean you can't be studying 24/7, any hobbies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean Grey 2,400 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Ohhh I totally understand this problem. I was also depressed when I was in high school. You just need to find that one thing which you enjoy to study or to do. For example I loved learning languages and I still love it that's why I picked Japanese studies as my major. Try to find what you like and focus only on yourself. ''- If people don't have any talents, they have lovable personalities to make up for it. I have neither.'' It depends. You don't have to be funny or awesome or whatever to have amazing personality. You just have to be a good friend and be a good listener. When I mutered I understood that this kind of person is way better as a friend so don't worry. ''- I am overweight. I can't just wear any clothes that I like. It's also hard for me to find clothes my size'' You need to go on diet. Stop eating sweet things or junk food. Try things like red and green tea, salads, water with lemon, fish and vegies. They are good things. I am sure you will get used to them. And before you start exercising try to take a walk for hour every day. ''- Despite living in Japan for three years, I'm still not fluent in the language. Sometimes I still have communication problems'' I think it's normal that you still have stuggles especially that language is much more difficult. And don't kill yourself!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorrow Air 29 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 - If people don't have any talents, they have lovable personalities to make up for it. I have neither.- I am overweight. I can't just wear any clothes that I like. It's also hard for me to find clothes my size- I can't cook, which is the thing that all kids my age can do- I feel like I'm a burden to my family- I am shy and awkward. I can't approach people easy. I can never give a response in long sentences. - Despite living in Japan for three years, I'm still not fluent in the language. Sometimes I still have communication problems1. Find it, there's no such thing as a person with no redeeming quality.2. If you hate the fact that you're overweight, start losing them weights, don't be lazy3. If you want to learn how to cook... It's never too late4. We are all burden to our family, and we all feel guilty. 5. Work on it, start off by getting comfortable in a new surrounding, build confidence in such field, and start there. (Confidence is important)6. Work on it?It's your life... If you're not happy about it, you have to work hard to change it.If you have other things you're more enthusiastic about... How about trying it out? You're not perfect, that's why you can still improve yourself. FFS you're still young! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidoan97 743 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 What do you actually like doing then? I mean you can't be studying 24/7, any hobbies?I do have hobbies, like listening to music (I mean, we're on OneHallyu after all haha), watching movies, an reading fanfics/novels. Tbh, I don't spend most of my time studying xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fourever 3,231 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 heyyy your feelings are not abnormal because a lot of people feel the same way at least one point in their lives but it doesn't mean it's okay. Asking for help in any forum is not going to help TBH what you need to do with talk to people in real life. Depression is an illness and you need to fight it as quickly and as effectively as you can either by medication or therapy or both or neither it depends on the individual. Thinking of killing yourself is just a thought and can be easily managed. - If people don't have any talents, they have lovable personalities to make up for it. I have neither. doesn't matter.. a lot of people in this world are average people without amazing talent - I am overweight. I can't just wear any clothes that I like. It's also hard for me to find clothes my size only you can sort that out. Exercise, meal regulation..no one else can do that for you.- I can't cook, which is the thing that all kids my age can do LMAO seriously a lot of people can't cook. You're not even in Uni yet and live with your parents so really don't worry about that. Also cooking is a step by step process and all you need is a recipe book..easy af.- I feel like I'm a burden to my family your parents chose to have you and as parents they won't see you as a burden- I am shy and awkward. I can't approach people easy. I can never give a response in long sentences. it's so easy to teach yourself to be talkative and outgoing. People aren't scary and you don't need to be shy. Fake it till you make it- Despite living in Japan for three years, I'm still not fluent in the language. Sometimes I still have communication problems practice makes perfect..a few more years and you will be fluent. Loads of people move countries and learn languages over time. It is up to the individual to study no one else will do that for you this is your one life and you might as well be happy while you're alive because once you're dead that the end and you don't want to have lived a life of worry for absolutely no reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yayaya 1,862 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I don't have lovable personality too, I cant cook too, im shy and awkward too and I have been feeling shitty st some point too. I think its just a phase everyone go through. there's a time when I hate the world for giving me this life and without me knowing, I have completely filled my brains with nothing but negative things. I cant do this, I cant do that, im stupid, she hates me, the exam is so hard im going to fail. but lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I thought, no this cannot go on. i thought that because of the hard life, im becoming more negative thinking but what if i reverse it? what if i have a hard life because i brainwashed myself to become this stupid, useless girl? and then i started doing more self reflection. what have i done wrong? how can i fix it? and i feel so much better these days. i communicate with other people more and smile more. now that may sound like a rant, which of course that's my rant but im telling you this so that you know you are not alone and you can change your life if you want too. its all in our brain. our brains are very...flexible? if you think you can do it, you will succeed, but put negative thoughts and it will become reality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean Grey 2,400 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I do have hobbies, like listening the music (I mean, we're on OneHallyu after all haha), watching movies, an reading fanfics/novels. Tbh, I don't spend most of my time studying xD So many majors, though. You can go for writing, journalism, english (or whatever other language you want), screen writing and many more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallah 8,441 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 university life is completely different than it is from high school, in japan and i imagine in the rest of the world. it gets easier -- i promise. there's also nothing that says that you can't live a satisfying life without a university degree, because there are plenty of happy and successful people who didn't go to college, and a lot of unhappy, unsuccessful people who did. liking yourself is honestly something a lot of people genuinely have to learn. there are many people in this world who have lovable personalities but who spend their whole lives not knowing it. you could easily be one of those people. i promise you that no matter how bad a person you think you are, you have charming things about you that others look up to. for example, don't you think it's even a little but lovable that you're depressed and sad, but you force yourself to act happy even around your family so you don't burden them? because i do. to be honest, part of the reason that you're not fluent in japanese is probably because of this right here: "I am shy and awkward. I can't approach people easy." there's nothing wrong with being shy and awkward, but at the same time you shouldn't let it keep you from learning to communicate. have you ever considered doing a language exchange? like meeting a japanese person for coffee and chatting back and forth in english and japanese? i know you don't think you should, but i think you should talk to a therapist about these things. in the very least, i think you should talk to a parent or family member or some other adult you think you can confide in. i know this is cliche, but you're still a kid, and your body and your brain are going through a lot of changes, and some of those changes make life really hard to cope with. you can't do it all by yourself. if the only thing stopping you from committing suicide is "it would burden other people," you need help ASAP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cai 27 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I do have hobbies, like listening to music (I mean, we're on OneHallyu after all haha), watching movies, an reading fanfics/novels. Tbh, I don't spend most of my time studying xD Try blogging maybe.. start with writing what you love, like and hate from whatever you'r watching or listening at that time. Make a list what you'r grateful for everyday... Journal first wo be good ^^ don't have to Blog actually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachygirl 5,018 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 If you're overweight then go to the gym, it's not like sitting around moping will make you lose weight. Go for a run, punch a punching bag, eat healthy. It will give you something to work towards and you'll feel better about yourself. I can't cook either and neither can most people my age, it's really not a big deal Tell your family members how you feel if you haven't already. You'll become more of a burden if you don't tell them anything. Im shy and awkward too but just be yourself and there is bound to be people you can click with. Work on your Japanese instead of wasting your time on other hobbies. You are going through a rough patch and most of your problems are things that can be worked on. I gave up on studying in my final year of high school as well, all my friends from school got into courses together and i was left behind. Uni sucked, i hated my course and couldn't get along with anyone. It wasn't until my mum told me some hard truths that i decided to do something about it and im getting there now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rapmon's Ahjussi Husband 2,299 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 You are having an existential crisis http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis; If you wanna escape reality grab a book, Read anything related to Banana Yoshimoto, you welcome, and don't kill urself of course Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paige michalchuk 865 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Kids have one job to do. Parents take care of all their needs, give them money and all they have to do is do well in school yet they still whine. You have to go to university or you're going to be working at mcdonalds, thats life..get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xingsass 1,356 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 - If people don't have any talents, they have lovable personalities to make up for it. I have neither. - I am overweight. I can't just wear any clothes that I like. It's also hard for me to find clothes my size - I am shy and awkward. I can't approach people easy. I can never give a response in long sentences. This is so me. I relate so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PLAY GIRL 143 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I'm going to univ too this year and I hate studying, despite I was a smart student back then like wht have you said, we aren't normal in society if we don't attend universities i choose accounting, even tho i didn't like it. my passion is in literatures or pharmacy, but i hate to study sciences and my family forced me to take economy faculty. there's so many things that I'm facing rn about studies, I really hate my life rn too. but pls don't suicide, mind your after-life. bcs I'm Christian I believe that suiciders will not go to Heaven. have you ask your family to postpone univ? or maybe you ask them to let you study in your home country? to feel better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveusaitama 318 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 - If people don't have any talents, they have lovable personalities to make up for it. I have neither. - I am overweight. I can't just wear any clothes that I like. It's also hard for me to find clothes my size - I can't cook, which is the thing that all kids my age can do - I feel like I'm a burden to my family - I am shy and awkward. I can't approach people easy. I can never give a response in long sentences. - Despite living in Japan for three years, I'm still not fluent in the language. Sometimes I still have communication problems 1. Find it, there's no such thing as a person with no redeeming quality. 2. If you hate the fact that you're overweight, start losing them weights, don't be lazy 3. If you want to learn how to cook... It's never too late 4. We are all burden to our family, and we all feel guilty. 5. Work on it, start off by getting comfortable in a new surrounding, build confidence in such field, and start there. (Confidence is important) 6. Work on it? It's your life... If you're not happy about it, you have to work hard to change it. If you have other things you're more enthusiastic about... How about trying it out? You're not perfect, that's why you can still improve yourself. FFS you're still young! i agree with this,but this user make it sound soo easy,and i think this user never understand this person .i try to understand this kids with empathy,here the thing ,all your problem can be solve(well not really at least it will be a better improvement then before) just like what this user say but mostly it will be very hard since i think you lazy,just like me and it really hard to change from you normal daily routine life to this user suggestion,beside you dont like to take advice,maybe you in that rebellious phase?(if you can change that mind set to love taking advice to improve yourself for your own satisfaction ?but be careful ,you need to know from whom you can take advice ,not everyone is a wise person include me). japan really a tough society,they pretty much relay on statistic and data performance and see people through their achievement,im pretty sure other society in asian country pretty much like that,but hey what really that you want? success? achievement ,acknowledge by other?or you just wanna do something that very comfortable with your standard routine life? why not try find something that you really like and find a way that you can use that thing and make it as your career?at least you happy when you working, if you already feel something not right with your life,and you want to change it then do it,and it will be hard trust me ,but at least you try ,one important thing is never give up(this is the part where friend and family play major role,but if they dont support you at least try to think for your own self,you know all the thing happen in your life right now lead to negativity,you already know it give you problem and like this user try to say is (then stop it this problem )(but it usually not that simple),you need to love yourself and start thinking this need to stop ,need to take back full control of your life,take action,then do it ,and you say you fat and you cant find right size cloth?soo you want to be slim?i usually will say you should love yourself regardless if you plus size or skinny ,but from you writing ,it seem like you hate being fat?,then if you hate it then try stop it,change it if you want,go exercise at the park ,japan has alot beautiful scenery especially the park ,go out and try jog and see this beautiful nature and try thinking: you willing to let go all this beauty because of this problem??was it worth it?beside im not going to fatshame but it good for your health as well ,its like killing two bird with one stone,you like it since you skinny and you gain health,life is full of surprise,you never know what will happen in your future,after rain there will be rainbow(is this the correct proverb?)try enjoy the little thing in your life and be grateful instead compare to successful people try compare yourself to unfortunate people around the world,example there a kid in north korea who eat rock,and his/her parent just die beside of her/him,my family think im useless at first then i set my mind im going to find a job and use all my salary to pay the house bill until my parent cannot say im useless anymore,i really did,the first 6 month i didnt use my salary for my self at all beside eating during my lunch hour ,no buying new makeup,handbag or shoe or even anything like new anime collection or kpop item,i use 100% to pay the house bill and my parent debt,and i feel happy about it since they dont treat/think me useless anymore,well not to extend of 100% like that but its getting an improvement,and they notice my effort and what i have done for them the way they treat me is getting better,family is very important is the basic so try to improve on that,my mother is a perfectionist and she a lawyer,she always criticize and never satisfied with other people work unless that person doing something that suit her standard.plus she like to mocking people with harsh word (and her mocking oh my gawd ,imagine listen to this for over 30 year? she will bring you dont and constantly remaind you are useless and when she mad at one thing she will constantly taking about it even after 2 week and she constantly mad ,even for small issue )and trust me when she mad and mocking people she will scream as loud as she could ,this happen to me alot, happen to me at shopping mall,everybody watching since she scram soo loud even people at the 7 floor look down and watching us and people will start judge you the bad person since the mom always the right one and guess what people will think i do really horrible thing example like killing other people or something while the fact is i forgot to buy a 1 plain bread that you can just buy at simple store .if your parent stil a problem to you then motivate yourself find a work with that salary rent a house then move out ,i thought japan have soo many anime that emphasize on never give up give good moral value?,you dont learn anything from watching anime? exept those hentai and weird weird anime exclude that if you want it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidoan97 743 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 i agree with this,but this user make it sound soo easy,and i think this user never understand this person .i try to understand this kids with empathy,here the thing ,all your problem can be solve(well not really at least it will be a better improvement then before) just like what this user say but mostly it will be very hard since i think you lazy,just like me and it really hard to change from you normal daily routine life to this user suggestion,beside you dont like to take advice,maybe you in that rebellious phase?(if you can change that mind set to love taking advice to improve yourself for your own satisfaction ?but be careful ,you need to know from whom you can take advice ,not everyone is a wise person include me). japan really a tough society,they pretty much relay on statistic and data performance and see people through their achievement,im pretty sure other society in asian country pretty much like that,but hey what really that you want? success? achievement ,acknowledge by other?or you just wanna do something that very comfortable with your standard routine life? why not try find something that you really like and find a way that you can use that thing and make it as your career?at least you happy when you working, if you already feel something not right with your life,and you want to change it then do it,and it will be hard trust me ,but at least you try ,one important thing is never give up(this is the part where friend and family play major role,but if they dont support you at least try to think for your own self,you know all the thing happen in your life right now lead to negativity,you already know it give you problem and like this user try to say is (then stop it this problem )(but it usually not that simple),you need to love yourself and start thinking this need to stop ,need to take back full control of your life,take action,then do it ,and you say you fat and you cant find right size cloth?soo you want to be slim?i usually will say you should love yourself regardless if you plus size or skinny ,but from you writing ,it seem like you hate being fat?,then if you hate it then try stop it,change it if you want,go exercise at the park ,japan has alot beautiful scenery especially the park ,go out and try jog and see this beautiful nature and try thinking: you willing to let go all this beauty because of this problem??was it worth it?beside im not going to fatshame but it good for your health as well ,its like killing two bird with one stone,you like it since you skinny and you gain health,life is full of surprise,you never know what will happen in your future,after rain there will be rainbow(is this the correct proverb?)try enjoy the little thing in your life and be grateful instead compare to successful people try compare yourself to unfortunate people around the world,example there a kid in north korea who eat rock,and his/her parent just die beside of her/him,my family think im useless at first then i set my mind im going to find a job and use all my salary to pay the house bill until my parent cannot say im useless anymore,i really did,the first 6 month i didnt use my salary for my self at all beside eating during my lunch hour ,no buying new makeup,handbag or shoe or even anything like new anime collection or kpop item,i use 100% to pay the house bill and my parent debt,and i feel happy about it since they dont treat/think me useless anymore,well not to extend of 100% like that but its getting an improvement,and they notice my effort and what i have done for them the way they treat me is getting better,family is very important is the basic so try to improve on that,my mother is a perfectionist and she a lawyer,she always criticize and never satisfied with other people work unless that person doing something that suit her standard.plus she like to mocking people with harsh word (and her mocking oh my gawd ,imagine listen to this for over 30 year? she will bring you dont and constantly remaind you are useless and when she mad at one thing she will constantly taking about it even after 2 week and she constantly mad ,even for small issue )and trust me when she mad and mocking people she will scream as loud as she could ,this happen to me alot, happen to me at shopping mall,everybody watching since she scram soo loud even people at the 7 floor look down and watching us and people will start judge you the bad person since the mom always the right one and guess what people will think i do really horrible thing example like killing other people or something while the fact is i forgot to buy a 1 plain bread that you can just buy at simple store .if your parent stil a problem to you then motivate yourself find a work with that salary rent a house then move out ,i thought japan have soo many anime that emphasize on never give up give good moral value?,you dont learn anything from watching anime? exept those hentai and weird weird anime exclude that if you want it Thank you so much for trying to understand me, and for giving me advice ;_; Despite living in Japan, I'm not interested in anime xD The only thing about Japan culture that I'm interested in is Detective Conan and Doraemon haha I know nothing about J-Pop either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorrow Air 29 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 For all your gibberish, I got one thing to say. You don't know me, nor do you have any idea what I've been through. And yes, it is that easy to fix everything. He simply didn't even take his first step toward fixing anything, that's why he's here ranting because he needs an outlet. Being sympathetic and talking to him will sooth his pain, but that's it. What he needs is someone to talk sense and perspective into him Not meeting a bunch of similar people to lick each other's wounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveusaitama 318 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 For all your gibberish, I got one thing to say. You don't know me, nor do you have any idea what I've been through. And yes, it is that easy to fix everything. He simply didn't even take his first step toward fixing anything, that's why he's here ranting because he needs an outlet. Being sympathetic and talking to him will sooth his pain, but that's it. What he needs is someone to talk sense and perspective into him Not meeting a bunch of similar people to lick each other's wounds. ok mister gangster you right, im wrong will you cheer up now ? ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorrow Air 29 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 ok mister gangster you right, im wrong will you cheer up now ? ?? Sure why not. And remember to address me as "Sir" from this point on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveusaitama 318 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Sure why not. And remember to address me as "Sir" from this point on. yes sir !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Shining Diamond~ 3,000 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I know how you feel. I've been there too, and the main thing I suggest is getting out there. You need to try new thing and meet new people in order to find out what you love and improve you communication skills and confidence. Luckily, you're still really young, so you have some time. Try joining some club/teams/activities. If you have ToastMasters in Japan or something like that, I would suggest you give it a shot. Also, you're not worthless, so please don't ever feel that way :( Everyone has worth and a purpose on this earth. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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