The Official Mental and Physical Health Support Thread [PLEASE READ OP]

[cake mf]

I feel like the more i spend talking to people online the lonelier I feel

Party it up irl m8

 

 

I'm leaving the country for two whole years in August and none of my friends seem to care much.

like, I'm the one who always has to come to them if I want to hangout or something...

this really puts me down. I had plans with a middle school friend today but she bailed out on me, and I haven't been leaving the house much except for going to dance practice so I was really excited but this put me down again.

I feel like a loner.. I want to go out and do things with friends but first off, I don't have many, secondly no one ever reaches out to me.

I feel so helpless. I can't help but think there's nothing and no one for me around here anymore. I just want to leave already.

 

 

Who cares? You’re leaving in Aug, wait for the you have a ton of tings to do to prep and you’ll make a ton of friends!

Yes, I think so too now. I think I was just shocked with the changes that happened last year. I was a high school student that just lost a dad and at the same time had to face a new environment, entering a university. But this new environment makes me forget about the loss.

 

I don’t know if that’s good or bad for you? Lol.

[cake mf]

I know, I'm anticipating that but I wanted to have a good time while I was still around but instead I just got to realize how I am surrounded by people who couldn't care less lol

Wake up call lmao.

 

But it’s ok just see it as a blessing.

[cake mf]

 

I've been so sad lately and it's probably because i can't seem to remember to get my meds but oh well.. i feel like everything i worked hard for crumbled and i can't speak about it to any of my friends or family because they just won't understand. I just want to disappear so badly i even get nightmares about it. I can't even talk about it to my psychologist or psychiatrist because i feel like it's nothing but just a mere thought because of the pills or whatever i just feel like they wouldn't understand because i'm so bad at explaining what's wrong. I'm just panicking and building up so much sadness i'm so afraid. I'm so sorry for posting like this here i don't even know if i'm supposed to or not but there isn't anyone who would listen anyway. I'm sorry

 

Don’t be sorry do the meds help? If not you should talk to your psychiatrist. I have a friend who didn’t take her meds bc they were giving her anorexia and insomnia.

[cake mf]

For the meds it hasn't been too much time since i last got them like 2 days? It's not that but i usually forget them for few days then get them again when i remember and forget again. I'm a mess. 

 

They're building up because i can't tell what's wrong with me. I can't tell what i'm really sad for from what i'm just a little upset so since it's like this i'm just not telling anyone how i really feel because i don't want to get more hurt from what the person who is listening to me has to say. It's childish i know but i've been confronted so many times to people that have "real struggles unlike yours" that i'm just afraid to speak up.

 

Ooh so the problem is forgetting not purposefully not taking them right? Hmmm try a pill sorter maybe? It sounds kinda weird but my relatives who are kinda forgetful use them and it works. Set an alarm a lot of ppl do that for bc it could work for your meds too. I don’t think you should feel bad for talking to ppl about your problems I mean we all have issues this isn’t the opression olympics.

[cake mf]

Thank you i do have the alarms but it doesn't work i'll have to have some drastic reminder. 

I know i shouldn't be afraid but seriously everyone i talk to they always have to remind me i'm still doing better than most people and it just makes me awful for complaining when there are indeed worse cases than mine. I live in a country where if you have problems you sort them out yourself and if you complain you're an idiot.

 

Write it on your arm that always works lmfao.

 

Bruh, just remember, you could be homeless on the south side of Chicago and there would still be someone telling you to shut up bc their problems are worse. Cest la vie lmfao.

[cake mf]

I thought I got better in recent weeks but this week, the nightmares been creeping back up to me nightly. It's got to a point where I am scared to sleep. I woke up this morning at around 4am sobbing in tears...and I just can't remember what did I dream that caused me to cry in my sleep and woke up crying.

The only good thing I guess is that my sis is treating the family to hotpot tomorrow so I hope after tomorrow..I will feel better

Why do you think you’re having these nightmares?

[cake mf]

Probably because I keep losing peoples who are precious to me.

My paternal Grandmother (Who I am really close to), two of my teachers died last year, and one of my Army Officer who I am damm close to pass away this year in an accident. On top of that, I lost friends who are precious to me and who I cherished due to my own faults. All these + my depression being back keep giving me nightmares of losing things and peoples who are precious to me.

I just want to be happy. I act like I am happy in front of my real friends and online friends but the truth is I am suffering, suffering alone because I feel like a burden if I pour my griefs and problems to them. This have also been a year which I seem to drift away further and further from everyone. I am shutting myself away from the world.

The only things that are keeping me alive at the moment is me focusing my attention on sports and just trying to enjoy music in general.

I honestly dunno how long more I can hold on. I have come close to ending my life a few time this year but I somehow manage to restraint myself. Will I have the strength to restraint myself if a major setback occur in my life soon again? I really dunno and I am scared af.

I think what might help is an outlet for your emotions. If therapy isn’t your thing just make a diary or a video diary, or pick up a new hobby that allows you to express yourself. If your emotions are getting out through your self expression your nightmares will lessen.

[cake mf]

Yeah. That's what my friends been telling me. I did pick up a new hobby of collecting tasty food photos but it's still not working well. Thanks for the advice and concerns

How about cooking if u like food lol? Yw lol.

[cake mf]

Oh I do cook. But meh, it's not helping too. Idk. I know it all in my mind so I have to try to overcome it myself. But saying is easier than doing. :/

I feel u lol.

[cake mf]

 

People need to let myself alone and lonely because I don't want to meet any of them at the moment, but in the same time I always think that who I am without them. I was lonely and will always be alone, because I don't know what is happening with me. Self harm is something that I stopped but I actually doing it again if I feel so frustrated. Now the bad habit is increase, also I always want to be calm, and think about something carefully, but my thought kinda messy in the same time.

 

Also there are people who hate me that I still love them. I never hate anyone because I know how the pain of being ignored or hated.

 

 

I just need to let out my thought

You need to make new friends :/

[cake mf]

I hope maybe one day i can actually tell my family how I feel and get help for it but like the best i can hope for is waiting til I get into my career and get help then. Kinda sucks but maybe I’ll feel better once I’m away from them

How old are u?

 

Also does your school have a therapist.

[cake mf]

17. Yeah but school is out for the next month so I can’t really visit her lol

Just keep on keeping on until school starts I guess...pm me anytime if u want lol.

[cake mf]

i'm having a really terrible day

i keep crying off and on all day

i try really hard at everything and don't slack off but.....nothing pans out

its just that nothing goes well for me

i am very sad and lonely

i normally deal well with it but i guess i cant today

i know that i could probably try to find some friends or something, but im tired of trying

and i cant help thinking that i'll stop failing if i just stop triyng

every time i make friends it never goes well

i used to say it was because of them but now i know that its because of me

i am so f*cking weird

nobody can like me even if they try

im unlikable

i'm not compatible with other people

i never was

lately the only thing that makes me happy is watching jungkook but he also makes me really sad. first because he's good at everything while im good at nothing. second because i couldn't afford the bts tickets. i can never afford. i always say i'll turn my money situation around and then do the things i want to do like go to concerts again, but i never do. nothing ever gets better because im useless. he also makes me sad bc he did the things he wanted to do. and i cant. i can't imagine what its like to be like him and have the world in m hands. its not that i'm jealous, im really happy for him but it really makes me sad that he's like that and i'm...like this  

why am i so f*cking lame?

anyway, i'll stop here. people are probably mad at me anyway for something i've said. people are always mad at things i say. they always read too much into things i say or they just baseline find my feelings offensive. i stopped talking to people because i got tired of people always being angry at me. they get mad if i talk too much or too little. they get angry at my own feelings towards myself. everything i say and do is wrong.

someone told me that i dont have a right to feel bad that other people succeed in their dreams while i can't no matter how hard i try. she said "as long as you get jealous of other people you'll never succeed." jokes on her, i was never gonna succeed anyway. i have no talent or friends. where did she think i was going in life?

people like me don't succeed

i don't really know what i expected from posting this. i guess nothing. i dont really have expectations anymore. not of anything or anyone. someone like me can't afford to. i really wish i had friends and support or something but that's not something someone like me can get. All i can get is told off by the people who are supposed to be my friends and locked out of everything i want in life. not to mention judged and lectured. i get a lot of that

i guess im just venting

This was where I was at 2 years ago.

 

The trick is watching other ppl and copying little things they do. Try to do it consciously and after a while it will become a part of your personality.

[cake mf]

Well i would if it were that simple

 

the thing i do is complicated and has many parts. lets say maybe it has 3 major parts

every time i think "im just not good at this i should give up" someone says im really good at one of the 3 parts

so i think that right now im not bad at it altogether i'm:

 

part a - really good

part b - passable

part c - slightly lacking

 

and part c is part of what keeps f*cking me over. lol its like in this profession there's so much required and even if you know how to do all of it well separately you need to be able to do it well all together at the same time

 

this is what i meant when i talked about knowing how to do the right things at the right times. i think thats a key element in being good at something. even if you know how to do all the things you must know how to do them all together and at the right times for the right reasons. and if there are any areas that are even slightly lacking they have to be brought up. 

 

bringing everything you know into something that solves problems is what i need to be able to do. i can do it sometimes but i need that skill to be stronger. it's the part of my job that's artistry or talent based, not knowledge or info based

 

but ive come too far to quit. i've given up too much. i've watched things i cared about waste away while i was working on this. i dont believe in quitting. i want a return on my investment. i want the payoff that i've been giving blood sweat and tears to for years now. i want it. and as long as there is life in my body i will keep trying.

 

i have a checklist for when i should quit or not and it looks like this:

 

Are you dead?

If yes, you can quit

If no, you must keep trying

 

there's also the fact that what i do does interest me and bring me joy. im not doing this because someone told me i had to. i'm not doing this because i had no other choice. this is the job that *I* chose. after researching jobs and looking at my own skills and seeing what would match up well and looking into what the work would actually be like. i made an informed decision to do something i wanted to do. i paid for schooling and i did well in it. so now i need to make those choices and investments pay off

 

something else isn't always the answer. when you split your resources or you veer off your path you can end up taking a loss and you can end up without direction at all.

 

in your case you found out you weren't good at two of the key things you needed. im good or almost decent in all three key aspects. there may be some things i still dont understand in terms of big picture thinking etc but that could come with time if i could just get myself basically operational

 

if i could get myself basically impressive and get an entry level job. i could learn so much just by doing. then one day i could the great "baker" person. I could be the jeon jungkook of "baking"

 

but i'll never be that if i quit

 

even though i've never had an intention of giving up it still hurts every time i dont succeed or succeed enough and i still lay awake worrying at night. even if youre set on your goal, and youre confident that its right - its who you really are - that doesn't mean you would feel secure. you'd still panic. you'd still worry. and thats where i am

 

im just worried and i'm disappointed. i thought that by now i would be there. but every milestone i gain brings me closer..........and still not quite there

 

thats why i said i know i have to keep going. but im just really tired. i just know i cant be a person who didn't try to make it work with everything she had until the very end

 

Well i would if it were that simple

 

the thing i do is complicated and has many parts. lets say maybe it has 3 major parts

every time i think "im just not good at this i should give up" someone says im really good at one of the 3 parts

so i think that right now im not bad at it altogether i'm:

 

part a - really good

part b - passable

part c - slightly lacking

 

and part c is part of what keeps f*cking me over. lol its like in this profession there's so much required and even if you know how to do all of it well separately you need to be able to do it well all together at the same time

 

this is what i meant when i talked about knowing how to do the right things at the right times. i think thats a key element in being good at something. even if you know how to do all the things you must know how to do them all together and at the right times for the right reasons. and if there are any areas that are even slightly lacking they have to be brought up. 

 

bringing everything you know into something that solves problems is what i need to be able to do. i can do it sometimes but i need that skill to be stronger. it's the part of my job that's artistry or talent based, not knowledge or info based

 

but ive come too far to quit. i've given up too much. i've watched things i cared about waste away while i was working on this. i dont believe in quitting. i want a return on my investment. i want the payoff that i've been giving blood sweat and tears to for years now. i want it. and as long as there is life in my body i will keep trying.

 

i have a checklist for when i should quit or not and it looks like this:

 

Are you dead?

If yes, you can quit

If no, you must keep trying

 

there's also the fact that what i do does interest me and bring me joy. im not doing this because someone told me i had to. i'm not doing this because i had no other choice. this is the job that *I* chose. after researching jobs and looking at my own skills and seeing what would match up well and looking into what the work would actually be like. i made an informed decision to do something i wanted to do. i paid for schooling and i did well in it. so now i need to make those choices and investments pay off

 

something else isn't always the answer. when you split your resources or you veer off your path you can end up taking a loss and you can end up without direction at all.

 

in your case you found out you weren't good at two of the key things you needed. im good or almost decent in all three key aspects. there may be some things i still dont understand in terms of big picture thinking etc but that could come with time if i could just get myself basically operational

 

if i could get myself basically impressive and get an entry level job. i could learn so much just by doing. then one day i could the great "baker" person. I could be the jeon jungkook of "baking"

 

but i'll never be that if i quit

 

even though i've never had an intention of giving up it still hurts every time i dont succeed or succeed enough and i still lay awake worrying at night. even if youre set on your goal, and youre confident that its right - its who you really are - that doesn't mean you would feel secure. you'd still panic. you'd still worry. and thats where i am

 

im just worried and i'm disappointed. i thought that by now i would be there. but every milestone i gain brings me closer..........and still not quite there

 

thats why i said i know i have to keep going. but im just really tired. i just know i cant be a person who didn't try to make it work with everything she had until the very end

 

thats all i've been doing for years lol

What field are you in btw?

 

Don’t get discouraged the current job market is shit.

[cake mf]

I wish that I can confide my problems to my friends but I am afraid that they will think that I am an attention-seeker. I feel like I am a big burden to them honestly.

I have so much fears and worries inside of me.

It's get really lonely at night. I been watching dramas & variety shows in my free time but that isn't enough to mask the loneliness I feel as I continue to drift further and further again. Night time is especially the worst when I feel the most lonely and depressed. Listening to sad songs help me feel somehow a bit more comforted but I am not sure whether ie that the right thing to do

Pick up a hobby? Or make new friends.

[cake mf]

 

I really don't know how anyone can put up with or see me and think I'm okay. I'm still untalented and I feel like I'm going to get rejected in my major, I can't do anything right so chances are I might end up dropping out and just disappearing off the earth. I wanted to lose 30kg by this month and I'm still a pig, and I hate looking at myself or having to try on clothes because it just points out how gross I am. I'm still ugly but don't have enough money to get makeup or a decent dermatologist. I have next to no friends and rightfully so. I hate myself and I feel like everyone else around me does too.

 

Talk to someone, that sounds like an ED.

 

The week is terrible and today is only Tuesday. First of all i am sick af to sweat the hell out since weeks. Its even pointless to shower as i will be soaked 5 min after again in sweat. Cant sleep well. 

second: i got a pretty bad msg yesterday which can destroy me either the next few months or will cost me much of money. Idk how to get out of situation smart. 

third: the rest gave Leeteuk today. The news of his sudden surgery made me straight up depressive. The surgery went out well, but i still worry and this all dont sits well with me. I end up updating Threads, even the ones i usually wouldnt update anymore, only to forget my situation. I didnt even eat today again since morning as such. I dont feel like even moving. Nothing interests me rn and my attention span is pretty short. I am so anxious and uneasy. I also didnt manage to do the homework i need for tmr.. I dont feel for it and gonna have problems tmr. 

I worry abt too many things in the same time.. and its 10 pm and still so hot i am sweating..

 

Just try to focus on getting better.

 

 

I also want to thank you Vante for making this thread for everyone to feel comfortable sharing their issues and having other users helping others out. Much love.

 

edit: please add me on the pm list.

Add me too <3

[cake mf]

all added, thank you for being patient <3

 

i also apologize for my absence from this thread, i've been having struggles of my own so i didn't feel confident in helping others just yet. but hopefully in the next few weeks i'll be getting better and will be able to help out here more. thank you~~

Hey if you ever need to talk we’re here <3

[cake mf]

I meant to say that I started losing weight in January and I was hoping to lose all the weight I've gained by now.

 

Most of the people I know are back home so I have no one to talk to.

 

I still eat but I'm basically being put on keto for a few days. I think it's for the best.

Are you enjoying it? Find a diet where you feel good about yourself and are losing a healthy amount of weight...ask your gp for help lol.

[cake mf]

tonight i've got physical health problems, mood problems, money problem, stressful home life problems, loneliness and just general sadness. plus disappointment and a feeling like things will only get worse

thats all they ever do

It only gets worse before it gets better tbh. Just hang in there.

[cake mf]

In the beginning of the year I tried a suicide. I can tell you, it really doesn't worth it. I've lost my freedom ...my mother doesn't trust me anymore, I don't even have the key of my house. I lost time because I stayed one month at the hospital...and when I went out my mother took me to her job every day, I can't stay home alone. So guys don't do that. It's worst

OT but that’s such a parenting fail...u tried to commit suicide so your mom made you hate ur life even more. Wut. Stay strong and try to stand up to her.

[cake mf]

youre right about that and also lately i've been noticing that for some people it doesnt ever get better

since i dont want that to happen to me and I don't want to keep feeling like this, i did look for better methods of working on myself like therapy etc

the others in therapy say the same things i do

they also feel that loneliness, sadness, feelings that others judge/hate/ignore them

just feeling out of place with this world

in a way its nice to be around other people who are suffering too

all day long i see people who look so happy or who genuinely are decently happy and it just makes me so jealous

like, why them and not me? I want happiness too!

so yeah i am working on it

 

thanks for understanding!

damn thats real man.

 

therapy isnt a quick fix ig,but ntohing is.

 

good luckkkk. and also a lot of those "happy" ppl rlly arent haha.

 

yw bb