The Official Mental and Physical Health Support Thread [PLEASE READ OP]

[Nimz]

 

Lately life had just been so draining lately. I hate waking up in the mornings, the thought of interacting with people/going through the day makes me feel exhausted, I don't enjoy things like I used to anymore, among other things. Its like I'm just going through the motions now without actually enjoying/experiencing it.

 

Thing is, there's nothing going on to warrant feeling like this. I should be enjoying life. I have good supportive friends, I'm employed at a job I like and I'm making good money, I have a stable home life. But... I'm just not happy. I don't know why either.

 

[Nimz]

 

I let anxiety get the better of me on Wednesday. I work in a call center, and we finished up training for tech support so they put us on the phones for two hours. I got two calls in, both tech calls, and both customers were doubting what I was saying which was making my anxiety slowly rise but I thought I would be fine, I could handle it. On the second call, I got stuck, the customer got a little impatient, I panicked a bit, but tried to save it by asking for help. I don't know why, but when the supervisor started asking me questions about the call so she could better understand, I froze up, my brain went blank, and I had a panic attack. I started crying right there at the desk, not able to continue. Luckily I finished that call but I was a damn mess after that. I actually had to leave early because I couldn't get back on the phone after a break after that second call. I had a rough night that night, too.

 

Thursday, I tried to go in, sat down at the desk... could not get on the phone. My anxiety was screaming at me to run. I had to go outside because I thought I was going to throw up, my anxiety was still so high. Went back in, sat down, and still could not get on the phone. I ended up leaving after only thirty minutes of being there.

 

Luckily I powered through it today and felt a hell of a lot better, but I still felt so stupid that I let my anxiety get the better of me. I have always easily panicked in stressful situations before, my anxiety always goes into overdrive whether it is public speaking, the center of attention even being on me for a minute or two, anything like that. I probably have an un-diagnosed anxiety disorder but I don't want to be put on medication so I don't get evaluated. I've tried techniques to get myself to calm down but they never work. I hate it, but I guess I'm stuck with it.

 

Thanks for letting me rant and get the last bits of self-doubt of my chest.

 

[Nimz]

 

 

Lately I've been having a lot of negative thoughts. The company I work for are getting increasingly angry with me because I'm not fantastic at my job (I'm not outright failing, I'm just not spectacular at it), my "friends" have basically abandoned me, and my home life is shit.

 

I don't like the thoughts running through my mind but I don't want to talk to anyone either. They never listen when I try.

 

 

[Nimz]

 

Starting to realize I have nothing to be alive for, nothing to look forward to, and the thoughts that scared me before are back. I don't like it, and I'm trying to push them all away but its getting increasingly more difficult to pretend I'm alright.

 

[Nimz]

 

Really not in a great place right now. The fact I've had to talk myself down from doing something drastic multiple times over the past couple days is worrying, but I don't feel like talking to anyone about it. I'm just going to let it fester. I'm exhausted and I don't want to deal with anything anymore.