The Official Mental and Physical Health Support Thread [PLEASE READ OP]

[ideonsshi]

I can't believe this thread only has 13 pages. This thread should have been hyped up imo.

 

I don't even know what to do with life anymore. I opened 7 Cups but my listener didn't even care about me. I'm so wrecked up, it's as if I really need a hand that helps me, but no one comes and I shouldn't do something like that. I thought my depression would be over but this year it's getting worse and I feel that I'm a burden to everyone around me more than before. My way to escape from reality these days is only by walking around social media, especially OH and YouTube. I am close to graduation and I still escape like this. Haha.

[ideonsshi]

Do you mind me asking where you live, there are a lot of support groups, where you can call and speak to.

 

Try to focus on your studies if you can, as you said you're close to graduating, and it will make your life at least a bit easier, in terms of finding a job. 

 

Don't give up, just set targets for yourself. Try to do something nice for yourself, maybe buy yourself some flowers, or go on a walk once a day, even if just for 15 minutes.

I didn't notice your reply, sorry! Thank you for concerning about me.

 

I live in a small city here, and I have never found a support group before. I live somewhere in South East Asia.

 

I really, really want to focus on my studies but I always feel burdened and exhausted because I've learnt nonstop at school. Even when there's nothing to learn at school, I just can't study at home.

 

And I'm literally imprisoned in this house. I can't go out unless my parents allow me to.

[ideonsshi]

btw guys, i took over the op of the thread as the previous op was self-banned. i'm going to update this op with resources, so if you have any tips or anything that may help, it would be very appreciated <3

Thank you so much.

[ideonsshi]

I've been doing pretty bad lately and I just need to get it out somewhere. No one has to read it if they want I just need to put it down somewhere. Also please don't worry for me, Im just in a bad head space right now and I need to vent somewhere. I know I'll be fine, eventually.

 

 

I think this will be the first time talking about this, I’ve never even told my therapist these thoughts. Which defeats the point of talking to her, but I guess I like feeling like I’m trying to do something rather than actually do something. This past week has been hell, obviously. But it’s also brought up some pretty dark thoughts that I thought I left in the past. I think that's why I wanted to get my feelings out somewhere, because it feels too real and scary for them to be just in my head. I just feel like such a hypocrite. I keep telling other people that their life is worth living, that they need to keep on going, but I'm telling myself the opposite. Now I know that people's responses would be “obviously your life is worth living too!†but is it? There's just no point to it all. I have no purpose, no motivation, everything is just so meaningless. The only thing that had meaning in my life is now gone, and I just don’t care anymore. The only thing keeping me here is my family. I don’t want them to have to go through that pain, so I just keep living this worthless life. I just honestly don’t know what to do anymore. It's just been years and years of mental anguish, the constant stress and crippling depression. I'm just not even living an actual life, just a shell of one. At this point, the majority of my life has been like this, I just can’t see it ever getting better. Even when I was a child and I considered myself happy, I was still a nervous wreck. I think the shooting I was in may have actually just fucked me up for good. It wasn't even that bad, I wasn't even hurt. There's no reason for it to be affecting me so much almost a decade later. I just really hate how weak it's made me. I want to be someone that can be there for someone, but it just feels so insincere when Im telling them not to do all the things I am doing. And it feels like telling anyone this is just trying to get attention, which is why I guess I never do. It just feels so selfish to talk about this. There are people who have it worse than me, what right do I have to talk like this? Maybe I am an attention seeker, I don’t know. This week shouldn’t even be close to about me, but here I am being selfish. Though honestly If there was a way for me to take his place and bring him back I would do it in an instant. He deserves life far more than I do, he such a better person than I. It's just so unfair that he’s gone. It's just so unfair.

 

 

I know, judging people is not something to do when this happens, but instead of being selfish, you are the most selfless person I've ever met in this forum. About your last paragraph, do you have a sibling or family member, or even someone close who has gone because of the shooting? I should have had two older sisters before. The oldest died because of her physical disability and the second died because of miscarriage. I also have the same thought, that my oldest sister should have lived instead of me, because I give lots of burden to my parents and my sibling.

 

I believe even though you feel your life is meaningless, we must live not only for the living, but also for the dead. I'm doing really bad this year also because I don't know where to go, but I keep reminding myself that if I died, who'll take care of my family? It's such a burden, right? I'm really sure that he wants you to keep living, because there's still hope for people, including you.

 

In fact if you ask me, I am so glad that you vent out your feelings, even after you told me to PM you with my thread which I never do (sorry xD I really appreciate it though). Venting your own feeling itself is already very hard, even to a professional. It's truly not an attention-seeking attempt, but rather cry for help. People may have things worse than us, so does that mean we have better life than them? Even with better life, why do we think like this all the time? I personally believe God has given us a same share of burden we need to surpass; a unique challenge no one ever has.

 

I don't even know if this helps or not because my words here will make you feel even worse ;v; I'm sorry I can't be there for you but I hope you tell trusted ones about this too. Please stay strong ;v; You're one of my favorite OH! users tbh ;v;

 

[ideonsshi]

 

I don't even know what I am any longer.

 

Am I a boy or a girl? Am I straight or gay? Am I immature or mature? Am I selfish or selfless? Do I want my hair straight or wavy? Do I want to be a social butterfly or a lone wolf? Do I want to study or just play games? Am I a bad person? What am I? Am I A or X or M? Am I actually that great at doing things? Do I want to end my life or not? Yes or no?

 

Remembering what my friend said, sure, everything that I said and asked to myself is everything from my mind. Which makes me wonder why my mind just won't stop. Inside my mind I want to approach all people and say hi, pet any kinds of animals, have babies (and it's very weird to think about this in my age), work in an office and motivate the workers, and then reality hits me.

 

Yes, I am aware that it's just in my mind. I am fully conscious that I can't live in my own world forever. My world is exactly like a fantasy world, that sometimes blur to darkness, and sometimes find happiness. I think I can live in there forever with all my 100+ OCs. See? I doubt you even understand what I'm saying right now, music wrecks me up sometimes, don't mind it lol

 

If there's just a way to stop my mind without stopping my heartbeat, I'll do it. Seriously. I want to live in peace. Just not with this brain. I am grateful for having such a complex brain, but I'm tired of it. At times I'll avoid my friends, and I'll suddenly be super touchy. At times I'll eat, and suddenly I don't want to for 2 days straight. At times I want this, then I want that, which you can't have after getting 'this'.

 

DAAAAAAAGH  It's really hard to escape from this situation, especially since these months are very crucial to decide my future 

 

[ideonsshi]

I don't know if this fits or not, but...

 

If you binge-watch mukbangs (especially Kinoshita Yuka's) and ED vids and struggle so much with thinking whether or not I should eat a food that I should or should not eat, do I have an ED mindset?