"åŠªåŠ›åŠ é¤�饭": A translation of a heartfelt letter, written by a Cfan for Lu Han

[Miekos]

A really long letter from a Chinese fan of Luhan, and I don't know if you want to read it if you don't care one

single bit about Luhan. But I wanted to share it.

 

In my opinion, it's a really beautifully written and it really touched me.

I hope he will be better soon.

 

Maybe some people don't know it yet, he visited a private hospital in Beijing, reporters spotted him.

They said he was with his "assisant", but it was actually his best friend Lao Gao.



 

 

~ ~ ~

 

I stayed with my uncle when he was young, and my cousin was only six years older than me. He was very

unruly kid, but he had an almost extreme dedication/passion for cars.

His family wanted him to study, get into college and become a doctor, and so they nagged at him everyday,

but he could (only wanted to) study things related to cars/things about cars, and the area of car models in his

room far exceeds the area occupied by his bed. When he was seventeen, he ran away from home

and nobody knew where he went. Whe I was in high school, relatives from å®‰å¾½ (An Hui - a place in China) brought back the message that he was managing a car dealing company there and business was good. The family

wanted my uncle to contact him (get in touch with him) but my uncle was equally stubborn and so he furiously
rejected the idea.

The year I was done with high school, we heard (from people in An Hui) that my cousin got injured and broke

his leg while on his way to discuss a contract. My uncle took a flight there in a rush, and he brought back my

cousin, who was tanned, skinny and walking with a limp. Over a meal (a family meal), my cousin suddenly

started crying, and his tears fell in the soup bowl.

My uncle wordlessly changed the bowl, and told him, "Eat, it's getting cold."

-

 

It's said that to be a good man, one has to dare to venture, and to be a real man one has to be able to get

out there and shoulder (responsibilities), doing whatever possible (no matter how tough) to earn a living and

support his family back home, and he would do anything to cover a gunshot wound on his shoulder with a

shoulder of medals (this basically means earning glory and honour at the expense of injuries etc).

No matter how bruised and battered, but at the very least he had achievements and had done his parents

proud. I always thought that was what growing up meant.

But that day I suddenly came to an understanding. The ones who love you don't care for whether or not the

place you are standing is full of glory and glamour, they care more about whether or not you have a bowl of

steamy rice before you when you're hungry, whether or not you have someone accompanying you when

you're sick, when you're in pain, and when you're struck down and at loss of what to do.

-

 

I used to ask/expect a lot of/from you.

I wished for you to keep improving, to step up to the top of thus world, and I wished for you to seizy every
opportunity possible so the next day, you can become the eternally shining star everyone knows about. I once

was like many others, getting angry because you couldn't get the things we felt you deserved (because of

your losses, basically), and it was hard for me to sleep and eat, and like a revolutionary soldier, I forwent sleep

to send the same email all night.

Back then, a lot of those who have gotten in touch with you were already saying that there were issues with

your health. But back then, I was blinded by the desire I had built upon you, and I fervently joined the almost

ritualistic activities I've been anticipating for a long time.

And just an hour before I read the news, I was thinking, once the concert is over. I must continue sending

those emails. I must not let you be the only one left with nothing to do (no schedules). (We) Must let everything

that can possibly happen happen to you (meaning to give the best possible arrangements etc to Luhan).

-

 

The instant I saw the news, the picture, all the wishes that been so loud and fervent inside me lost their voices.

And all the details which had been overlooked resurfaced.

I remember, in February, during an interview, when you talked about going into the sea in the middle of the

winter, you used the words åƒåˆ€ä¸‡å‰ (like being sliced ten thousand times by a thousand knives).

 

I remember, in April, I saw with my own eyes, after your dance performance had ended, you were panting

heavily, hidden in a corner where the light couldn't reach.

I remember, back when the group was promoting Miracles in December, your eyes were bloodshot from

fever, I remember you turning away from the microphone during the recording for Happy Camp to cough

as softly as possible, I remember you massaging/hitting your thigh, in pain, when you were rehearsing for

SMTOWN, and I remember how you deliberately tried to hide the tremble/instability in your walk back in

Xi An (airport?).

-

 

You left home at the age of eighteen to a foreign country for your studies, and behind you stood so many

people who didn't understand your decision, or perhaps wholly disapproved of your choices. I once imagined

you, that month of that year, in a foreign place, having to wait - without anything you can expect to happen/

without anything you can count on happening - even if you had clenched your teeth (a metaphor for

waiting, enduring) until your whole mouth tasted of acid.

At the age of eighteen, most of us won't have to struggle to feed and support the family, and the only faith
we have to support us is to give this world a tight, loud slap with our own hands, to prove that our determination
is not for a mere daydream, to prove that we can live a fruitful life as we are supported by our own youthful
dreams.

And you did indeed live humbly, staying silent in spite of all the hardships you were going through. And most

of us, at your age, no matter what, wouldn't have dared to take such a gamble and held our breath through it

all. That was the majority which you had set yourself apart from, and you fought on, all by yourself, and in the

tough silence you finally made your way to the front of the crowd.

 

I really wish to know, that year, in your phone call home, if you were always like the "you" captured by all the

lenses this year, always full of life and energy, as if by standing there, there would be an infallible wall 

(protecting you)

-

 

And then you debuted, it appeared as though you valued (having to shoulder all those responsibilities),

having all those labels stuck on you, and you had to be careful even when you speak. A single tree standing

out amongst the forest faces the danger of being the first to fall/to be destroyed, and so one must fight the 

merciless wind and rain. And you stayed the same, just like the "you" when you first set sail.

That year, on stage, you held the microphone and said buwangchuxin (to never forget the heart you set

sailed with/to never forget one's original goals and purpose and attitude etc), and you were so sincere,
I thought you were making/reading a vow. And then, just like you said, you carried yourself as if you were 

never tire.

Do you remember when you said when you first started playing rubric cube, and you said you couldn't resist

and had to hold it in your hands and practise? That moment, I guessed that you're someone who always

asked too much of himself, and as long as you're learning something, you pay more attention than anyone
on the details, even if you're always practising. In the days followed that, at the airport and in between 

recordings, you are always seen dancing the moves you've been dancing hundreds and thousands of times,

just because you're scared of making one mistake.

I really wanted to live my life the way you do, but I know there isn't a second person who has developed the

same unyielding power you have. The can be just like you, but they're not /you/.

-

 

The song that you participated in shot to fame and so, you got to stand on countless stages to receive all

the awards. Only once did your eyes turn red. That year, at the end of the year, you looked into the camera
and said what your new year resolution was. You said, you want to be someone outstanding.

Finally, I couldn't bring myself to try feeling whatever it was you're feeling, I couldn't possibly guess, as

you were repeatedly practising all those dances and all those songs, just how vast is/was the sky that

you're aiming for.

I've seen for myself that you're already standing at the peak where many others have to spend a great deal
more time to reach, so why do I feel that your eyes are still filled with the anticipation and eagerness they

contained when you first set sailed?

 

Finally, this year, the year I had predicted that would dim all the glow/shine. Your 本命年 (), as if's been

cursed.

 

With your new identity and all the new awards you've earned, and with a life more splendid than the ones others

have ever lived, and having received more love than before. I thought you would be able to withstand all that

would come your way and you would gain more than you would lose.

Eventually, your eyes stopped smiling as much as they once did.

-

You joined the cast for a movie, and you always responded shyly to being well liked by the seniors. Back then I've heard many stories about you on set, and you were someone who carefully studied everything, even a single move involving cycling.

And then there was that incident about sasaengs, and the essay we wrote about you "being used to it" were shared by tens of thousands. We penned down all the hardships and sorrow with every word we typed, but we dared not think, once more, just how much you, you who had experienced all those things firsthand, have suffered and endured.

It was then that we realised how scary your tolerance was, to have been able to laugh in spite of all the pressure life has thrown at you, even if it had been just for the sake of comforting those who care for you, those who are pained by your sufferings.

-

For two whole years, you've always appeared as if you are infallible, and now, I finally understand the truth behind that infallible front of yours.

That tree I had thought would never fall, had exhausted all of his energy just to work hard in order to stand tall, stand upright.

And as opposed to wanting to see you conquer your quest of chasing the stars (in stardom), now, I would rather see you go home for a good meal.

I wish to see you step off that stage, and walk towards the lights that will guide you home.

There, they won't care of you could wield the wind and rule the world, they would only care about whether or not you're hungry.

There, they won't even be able to stand to see you suffer from the smallest injuries at work, let alone see every part of you bogged down by said injuries.

 

-

I once hoped that you, Luhan, would always belong to the stage, belong to us, but the stage, at the end, hasn't returned us a healthy and happy "you".

You said, you wish everyone is healthy, happy and together with their families.

But you're always miles away from home, from your family, and you, in the midst of the applause given to you by healthy, happy fans, are the only one who can neither stay healthy nor happy.

Then go home and be united with your family, I suppose, that Luhan who belongs to his father and mother, should be able to give us a carefree and long-lived " you".

-

My dearest, you must be tired.

You really don't have to keep striving to prove anything anymore. To us, to the ones who love you most, you've proven a great deal - you've proven far too much.

I know that in your heart, there is world at your evey beck and call, it's vast, so vast that we can never see its limits. But you don't have to rush to expand your territories and your domains, because you're still young, and even if you pause to take a break, the world will still remain by your side.

And so please, do wait a while, rest a while, and work hard to eat an extra bowl of rice.

 

credit. sukaihan

[lullaby]

It's really touching, I wish that Luhan can read this letter :')

and get well soon Luhan  

[nacholebre]

crazy b*tch

[Yayaya]

I hope luhan's okay. jesus Christ, all exo members seriously need a fucking good rest. away from the thousands schedule and saesangs. I wish I could kidnap them to an island far away and let them rest

[peppermint]

Conclusion is: give EXO a rest. 

[Eternally A Xingmi]

This...was so touching... and... ugggh... I really...dont know how...to respond...

I just hope... He is fine...

I can just hope and wish that... Luhan gets some rest and feels better....

 

I also found this on my tlist...

Please dont be disheartened... He has his family... and all of our well wishes.... <3

 

 

 

 

I hope... Lu ge...gets well soon... Stay strong guys...

[Deer<3Cassie]

And as opposed to wanting to see you conquer your quest of chasing the stars (in stardom), now, I would rather see you go home for a good meal. #this       

please rest for a while lulu... i'd rather not seeing you for a while than seeing you but you are suffering.    

sorry my english not really good

[Lixing]

This is so touching and i truly understand how she feels. We, fans, often want this and that, to see our idol perform here and there or having any projects so we will be able to see them. I'm sure too it's their pleasure to meet fans, but we must remember that they are human too. They miss their families, friends, and probably can't do things they want. So i really hope we, especially those sasaeng fans, can treasure our idol more. Respect and give them freedom. They must be exhausted a lot. However, i really hope luhan will be fine. He is a kind and humble person. He doesn't deserve such tough hardships :')

[Gura]

 

 

OP is this from this source? >>sukaihan

if yes pls put the credit for her/him since s/he spent 2 hours to translate the letter so we (all non chinese speaker) can read it

if no, sorry for my mistake

 

 

[!~Aishak~!]

:/ this is so heartbreaking EXO should have a long long rest. .. I was happy sehun suho tao got a vacation ..they really need rest.

[yabarthe]

Basically all my thoughts and wishes as a luhan fan. I complain about him missing his opportunities but his health is the most important. I hope whatever issues he's having, it gets better soon and I'm really happy he has a friend like Lao Gao that is there for him every time he needs someone.

[Kinn]

Can I copy this and send it to kai as well. Poor boy is working so hard, he just sprained something, and his waist is constantly giving him trouble. :( 

 

I don't want exo to have another comeback this year. They need to rest. I feel something even worse might happen if they keep pushing.

[Miekos]

 

 

OP is this from this source? >>sukaihan

if yes pls put the credit for her/him since s/he spent 2 hours to translate the letter so we (all non chinese speaker) can read it

if no, sorry for my mistake

 

 

 

Ah, yes, thanks! I copied the translation when I was at school and saved it on my laptop, so I could post it when I got back home, but forgot who translated it!

[HUSH]

'I once hoped that you, Luhan, would always belong to the stage, belong to us, but the stage, at the end, hasn't returned us a healthy and happy "you".'

 

[M A M A]

 

 

[Angel_Nessa]

That EXO need a rest, there's no doubt.

 

I was shocked early this year when EXO-M went to a Chinese program, and the MC asked each member about their injuries and sickness. All of EXO members had a healthy problem to tell. This is not normal. 

 

And after all what happened to them this year, their health problems might get worse, especially bc of the extra gigs SM gave them. They're stressed and physically tired. There's no necessity for a comeback this year. 

[RaniaKandil]

i really hope that he reads this !! it's like she putted all what his fans feel about him and concerned about him in that message !! yes i want him to become really famous and find his own place in this world and yes i know he has to work really hard in order to achieve this !! but this is more than too much , he needs some rest , he's killing himself like this or i should say the company is killing him like this !! i hope his sickness is not that serious and he've got all my respect for not  giving up on his dream and not leaving the brothers that he've gone over all the hardships with them 

[Little Prince ☆]

I admit that I, with a few others here on OH and many in the cfandom have been very vocal about the neglect he receives in terms of promotion. I wished he had more exposure, more activities in his home land because I had initially thought it would be the best for him. But now, I don't think that is what he needs right now. Not fame, popularity or recognition. His sunken cheeks, tired eyes and deteriorating health condition speak for itself. The best for him would be to rest right now, go home and reunite with family he hasn't seen for a long time. Now is not the time for me to be complaining about his lack of Chinese schedule when he is obviously exhausted. 

 

Please go have your overdue break Luhan, we will keep supporting you. 

[Lovemwakpop]

He spent his vacation in hospital, I wish sm will give them a break but that's not gonna happen. I hope he reads this not stress himself to be perfect.