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OneHallyu

庄锭欣

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Posts posted by 庄锭欣

  1. My parents expect me to get a fucking FULL RIDE scholarship to university, and they seriously refuse to listen to me when I explain tuition is up to 50,000 dollars per fucking year and no matter how smart I am, no matter what grades I get, nothing is going to cover 200,000+ costs.

     

    And when I explain about how the price is so high, they say "then you'll just have to go to a public school instate" which isn't a bad option for some states like California, but I live in fucking Arkansas. The colleges in Arkansas are awful, none of them offer the majors I'm interested in, none of them provide me any opportunities, none of them offer quality education. But I'm supposed to go to the schools with terrible education because I'm poor, and it's so ridiculously unfair. Rich people have the world at their feet and I may never get out of this hellhole I am. Yet it's the rich who decide what kind of education the country deserves, it's bullshit.

     

    I have such a strong urge to learn as much as I can about everything, but I'll never get the chance to receive this quality education that I've been dreaming of since I was a child.

    have you tried a military academy? west point and USN have a fuck ton of majors, and air force academy is compare inclined. its a full ride with a monthly stipend (aka money you can spend on whatever, increases as you go from one year (freshmen to sophmore, etc)) theres just a service obligation (+ you have to petition your application to your senator and they give the board a go ahead to consider you. not everyone gets in but you get a top notch education for free and you go in as a 2LT and get officers pay. if you go law MOS you get paid more)

  2. i'm writing my soolay fic and omg. why am i like this.

     

     

    this fic is only happening because I can't finish my Chanbaek one but how the fuck did i go from body issues to removing someones arm imstupid.png

  3.  

    this is supposed to a good week and its not. my depression has got its grips on me and i think my ed tendencies are coming up again ohdearplz.png  like i'm just obsessively looking at profiles and weights and looking at how many calories i need to eat in order to get to my goal weight by X date and feeling like 'm going to throw up when i see someone at my goal weight and shit. Like I was bragging a couple days on my ig about how depression has taken away all my hunger and how i hope i lost weight.. what the fuck is wrong with me? like. all I can think about is calories and my weight. I think its coming from that typical thing.. trying to exert force over something. Like I see why. This move coming up and the fact I am being forced to with my dad, i think i'm trying to control the only thing i can- my weight and intake. the sad fact is no matter how many symptoms I recognize and how I realize that I am having these kind of difficulties- i can never get treatment for it. My family (dad) won't be willing to pay for it after the last time I was getting treated for depression and suicidal thoughts and just.. my family never believes me. I'm hopeless. The only thing I can do is just let these thoughts happen and bitch about it on the internet. my chance of seeing a professional about any of my issues is so fucking slim its just making me more depressed. fuck my life. literally. its so pointless to live now because it is just all pain and suffering. what kind of life is that?

     

  4. Wow my parents aren't even subtle with how much they don't care about me. I expressed to my mom about how I no longer enjoy reading (which has been omen of my favorite activities since I was in the womb) aka one of the symptoms of depression. I have a history with it yet everyone conveniently ignores that and now that it's coming back no one even seems to give two fucks. I can tell her night and day and she'll blame it because I'm always on my phone... lol. She doesn't take me seriously. What do I have to do for someone to take me seriously? I'm so tired of having my feelings being disregarded by everyone, family members and non family members. Not a single person cares amount me bruh...

  5. EXO-Ls wonder why theyre bashed. Idk maybe when you bash other people faves while insisting that your precious oppas are more important any at relevant you tend to burn a looooot of bridges and turn people against you. I can't imagine being so delusional that you just take an entirely different meaning to what someone says. "I've lost enthusiasm for the comeback" =/= "I HATE EXO ITS THEYRE FAULT THATS WHY LAY ISNT PROMOTING" Reading is fundamental. They're always waiting to fuss someone out of they're not orb 100% on board with then Fandom Accepted Opinion . What kind of new speak ass shit

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