There are days if I think about all the memories made and all the warm feelings I felt; I would do anything to go back to that and I would stay with you forever despite all the pain you caused me. I remember waking up early in the morning to meet you, I would crawl in beside your bed until you would wake up. You hugged me really tightly, and the tighter we hugged that indicated how much we loved each other (we squeezed the life out of each other). You didn't let me go home crying, you always kissed my forehead and tried to comfort me. You told me I love you and I remember kissing you like in the movies, when we were outside and I was waiting for the bus trying to get to school. I remember you visited me at work and dropped of pizzas. I remember spending half a day cooking for you, and you always ate it in front of me. We stayed up late watching movies with each other and we started video chatting as well. You made me laugh a lot because you're still very immature and childish. Every fight we had we would always make up, until this time we actually broke up for real.
Then there are days where I think about it logically and realize that I could never be in a happy and long lasting relationship with you. We fight every month ffs, and everytime the blame gets transferred onto me, there are some thing I can do but there are lot more that I can't do yet for you. You said you want progression and I wasn't putting in any effort. You were always insecure and doubtful about my whereabouts (I thought it was because you cared) but when I tried to wonder to you it felt like I was invading your space and you talked to many girls in return. You told me your friends and family have problems with me, when I tried to get along with them and that hurt. I felt like you telling me to change my appearance and to lose weight, made me feel unattractive and the way you pushed me around harshly made me feel unloved.
there were things that I really question. you took a bb gun and pointed it at me. you threatened to shoot me if 'I did anything I wasn't supposed to do' (aka cheating) he would rape me with the gun and then shoot my face so no guy will ever love me. I remember crying after that and that's when you stopped. You also pushed me harshly onto the bed and your choked me for a really long time, I asked 'Are you going to kill me?' and you just had a delighted/happy look on your face when I looked up at you, I thought you really hated me. I still didn't leave you that time..though I probably should have
