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Buttercell

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Posts posted by Buttercell

  1. "For a wife that was raped, if she can marry (the person) she would not go through such a bleak future. At least she will has someone who can become her husband. So this will be a remedy to social problems."

     

    This will not be a remedy for social problems but even further encourages rape. Don't even come at me about how a 12 years old body is the same as a 18 year old. The problem is once you force sex on a women who doesn't want it that is rape no matter what. It is a crime, it is an offense.

     

    I just cannot accept this kind of reasoning.

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    Why am I such a dumb person? Can I be more sensitive about what is happening around me? I made a mistake like this. I hope I won't cost myself and my group because of my actions. Like why am I so so so dumb? STUPID GIRL. Urgh. 

     

     

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    I handed in one assignment today. It was awful. I feel so disappointed in myself. I really wish it can pass 70. I really do. I don't mind a 65 and above too. One of the worst submissions ever.

     

    When I was doing my demo, the lecturer went like "I taught this in class" when I failed to complete a part and I am screaming at myself. Like no I forgotten that I know how to do it. Like once he says that everything just came back to me. And urgh. I just feel bad. Like I am throwing marks away. I over complicated things that can be so so so simple. I keep thinking of an advanced method that I totally forget that there can be a simple way to do it. Urgh I need to get over it by today and just wish for the best. 

     

    I need to stop whining to people. I am the kind of person who really needs an outlet to let go and sometimes I rely way to much on my friends. I may visit this thread more frequently instead of talking to someone which i know is annoying.

     

     

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    First of all, yes I was ignorant way up till I finished my high school which is pathetic by today's standards but yes I took time up and educated myself on this kind of issues after high school. So I can of understand when people say that people may not be woke even with the internet. The internet is kind of a huge space and if you never travel outside of this little bubble you stay in which I have stayed for way too long, you will not be "woke". Secondly, as said I am not a pleasant person either. Looking back at what I did, I was pathetic. I feel so sorry now but never had the opportunity to apologize. I know I am not as worse of a person now then back then but I have already hurt him. 

     

    I used to have a friend of my father's which honestly we suspected was gay and he was with my father(as in they were more then friends). Reason? He hangs out way too much with him. (I won't hang out with my friends this much) He also always came around to my house. Again all these are suspicions. They did not come up as gays or bisexuals in any way. Long story short that was the case. I kind of felt bad for my mum (the way my mum was treated at home is bad enough. I mean they weren't physically abusive or mentally but those temper and rages she has to go through... ), and used the fact that he was gay as one of the ways burn him whenever I could. I also acted really mean to him when he came to my house. I was a huge bitch to him. Not only that looking back at what I done I was so childish. I really could have dealt with things in a much better. it also was a point in my life where I honestly hated school and decided to partially give up on it. I did not do too well in high school. It was a time I overthink too much and do not have an outlet. I treated him like shit. Was it different from how my mum got treated? No. Looking back he must think I am really pathetic too. I know the percentage of you reading this is 0.0001% but I am sorry. I will apologize to you in person if we ever have the opportunity. No matter what the truth is between both of you, I should have respected you as human. And worse I shouldn't have used your sexual orientation. Sorry.

     

    I just couldn't get over my guilt this few days. It just appeared in my mind for these few days.

     

     

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  5. I shouldn't be surprised that people believe children watching characters who are gay will make children gay. Still can't help but roll my eyes.

    • Like 3
  6. "PRODUCE 101 WILL FLOP!"

     

    Now:

    "Moon Bok is only getting support as a revenge for Yeonjung."

    "Support XXX instead of Moon Bok."

    "Moon Bok is the next Sohye."

     

    Tbh though judging the situation through a translated comment by NB? Lol. Pretty sure many of them are trolling but I don't think the majority are because of Yeonjung. 

  7. Why am I so useless? It's ok if this is an individual work. Like only I have have to bear the responsibility of failing to handing up up to par work. This is group work and hey are the ones who have to pay for incompetence. All their hard work will be my marks too. This isn't even fair at one bit. They don't have to bear the burden of my mistakes. I don't deserve their hardwork. I am so sorry. But other than sorry I can't do anything. I just feel so apologetic. Idk I just don't feel ok. I feel so stressed out now. I don't mind lagging behind people as a consequence of my own actions but them lagging behind because of me... I feel bitter. I feel like I am the one student that not only not contribute enough for groupwork but also drag the group down with the little bit of mediocre work they contributed. I am really sorry. 

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    Like how am I going to survive the future? I know everyone looks out for communication skills. I am like I really don't have this? Thinking of the future makes me scared yet very hopeful at the same time. I know I am probably live an average life but at the same time maybe my dreams of living an average life will be achieved. An average life is kind of hard to achieve too. It's not a bad thing. Or at least that is what I am persuading myself about.

     

    I am stressed out thinking of how my peers from back in school till now are doing as compared to me. Like being less than average isn't going make the cut. Even in school now I don't think I am improving. I know I am not. My skills are at a beginner level as compared to my classmates. What am  going to do? The real world is going to be scarier I know. Seeing those who are in other fields improving theirselves while I am staying in the same spot makes me scared. Maybe I really do deserve this. I need to push myself more. I can't stay a timid and sensitive person forever. I hated it when people use that term on me but I know it is true. No matter how far these people are going I feel happy for them. 

     

    Idk anymore. Just taking one step at a time maybe I will get to where I want someday.

     

     

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    Like how am I going to survive the future? I know everyone looks out for communication skills. I am like I really don't have this? Thinking of the future makes me scared yet very hopeful at the same time. I know I am probably live an average life but at the same time maybe my dreams of living an average life will be achieved. An average life is kind of hard to achieve too. It's not a bad thing. Or at least that is what I am persuading myself about.

     

    I am stressed out thinking of how my peers from back in school till now are doing as compared to me. Like being less than average isn't going make the cut. Even in school now I don't think I am improving. I know I am not. My skills are at a beginner level as compared to my classmates. What am  going to do? The real world is going to be scarier I know. Seeing those who are in other fields improving theirselves while I am staying in the same spot makes me scared. Maybe I really do deserve this. I need to push myself more. I can't stay a timid and sensitive person forever. I hated it when people use that term on me but I know it is true. No matter how far these people are going I feel happy for them. 

     

    Idk anymore. Just taking one step at a time maybe I will get to where I want someday.

     

     

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    I guess I am reaching that point again. The point where I just give up. I never really got out of that stage in life. I thought I was over it but no I am not. I am back at the point I just want to give up again. How can I not give up easily. I just feel like I am done with this. I can't do it anymore.I just need a week of break out of this.

     

    I feel lacking again. I feel like I am not pulling my weight. Idk it feels like my teammates are doing most of the shit and I feel bad for not doing anything. I feel really bad. You hear all these complains about uni students having to do everything by themselves and not getting any help from their group members. Yup I feel like one of the group members that are not helping. Sigh. I am really useless. I am really sorry. I am. 

     

    Watching Spirited Away makes me feel so nostalgic. I feel young again. Even the theme song makes me feel so many emotions. Is it really the story of the film or those days when I was watching this film that makes me want to cry? I just felt like tearing up when I hear that ost from the first few minutes of the film. What has time done to me? Do I really hate how I live now? But it's not like I have any dreams to fulfill. Ok I do but with the current me now it is unachievable. I am not even walking in the path that is leading me to my destination now. I know the journey is more important. I am just so weak that I am already exhausted only two steps into this path. Let's just hope the me now won't give up on the way.

     

    Talking about Studio Ghibli, The state it is in today makes me sad. Seeing how it is in old documentaries vs how it is in the new one. It makes my heart break. It is indeed a studio that created films that I really loved when I was younger and yes I continue to love. Good things need to come to an end huh? But I just don't want to see it end.

     

    Suddenly I realized there really is nothing positive about me. People say hey having a nice personality is more important than having great looks. How would you even feel when you have neither. Like all the things I did are ugly as fck. If people would have known me in real life, I am really a btch. I have a lot of things that will make people think yup you crazy btch. Idk anymore.Well you wouldn't be surprise that I really don't have much friends. I just feel like there is no one here for me. There is my mum but I know I can't depend. She isn't really that strong either. She has been through a lot too. I can't put her through more. I can't burden her more. I don't know anymore.

     

    This imaginary world I am living can't continue yet I am seeking it. Over there I am the perfect me. I get that people who understands me. I am happy. I am able to defend myself without being called someone with a bad temper. Telling me I wouldn't get a job in the future. I have to keep it in. Take whatever shit people throw at me. But it is taking over my life and I can't stop it. Can I stop all of these thoughts? I can right? I want to... I really do. Should I really go see a psychologist? 

     

    Tommorow is a new day. A new day a new start right. Just a stupid girl worrying over her first world problems. Btch people live in a worst world than you who are you to feel all this. Stupid girl. Just stupid.

     

    I just need an outlet. I can't keep it all out I admire people who can I really do.

     

     

    • Like 1
  11. I can't even stand Yoon Eunhye is Lady Castle though the drama was cringeworthy as a whole but her acting is... Should I even watch those 2 dramas? I am looking forward to the plots though. Sigh.

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