chem-burn

My dumbass couldn't access my account for a year. Ive missed OH. I still haven't gotten any idols to step on me either. Nothing changed in a year.

I don't mean to minimize your problems but calc AP is notorious for being one of the most, if not the most, difficult APs to get a grade a university will accept on - at least when i went to HS. they used a 5 point system then & most places only accepted 4s or 5s for credit. I'm also terrible at math & really old. Most people I knew did really terribly on the Exam and went on to do well in undergrad - earning math heavy degrees. It's not the end of the world. I also like your sig gif. i hope this helped at all!

I try to get on this site maybe once a month - max. AND IT IS ALWAYS DOWN. terrible timing or shitty website? probably a little of both but also fuck this site for being down so much. separate rant: gonna need to retire my phone soon. I feel like I've been saying that for a year, but I think it's gonna really happen now; it had a good life. i also have a weird love hate relationship with it. i'm co-dependent with my phone, ugh.

I'm happy for the people who can balance real life with online culture & don't aspire to be influencers. There can only be so many & those people got there & stay there by having a rich/ fulfilling LIFE NOT ATTACHED TO A SCREEN. this is also directed towards me. Balance. ( To Be clear: I don't want to be an online influencer. Seems like an exhausting grind.)

You're so unstable and there is 0 excuse for your behavior. Get your shit together & roll it into a little ball - like every other person has to. I hope the newest person you're leeching off of dumps you in the gutter like all the rest. Once they've had enough of you. I can see you cracking around the edges. I wonder how much of their love is actually just misplaced pity? Separate rant: I HATE when ppl tell me what my place is. besides it just being rude it's not logical. Do they not realize the hypocrisy of that entire idea? You IDIOTS.

You prance & you simper. You claim you are misunderstood and you hide your mediocrity well behind illusions made of big words for little concepts. On the inside you're a lost angry little girl who's pretending to be a special & loving mysterious "they" - outside of definition. I'll define you the way you hate. Simple, succinct, & easy: not enough.

That feeling when

a rant on ghost culture, the human condition, and long lost friends (not acquaintances)

my eye HURTS SO BADLY & is already starting to swell to a ballon but DAMN I'm happy with the result. just lying here ready for 2 WEEKS of intense post op. also stay out of the sun for A YEAR??!?!?!?!? these directions were not written for someone with a job, life, or so close to the equator. PLUS i like the sun. i WILL be ok with wearing sunglasses. &&&& can't really watch tv or anything for 2 days. OR drink for 3 weeks. WELP

surgery on saturday morning. i haven't been on here because i didn't have time and now i'll have too much time because i can't be mobile or see very well. i'll be on a drip directly to my WiFi.

I save stuff that I think is funny on my phone. Material objects that are functional, meaningful, or beautiful. People in my life that are wonderful. And that's it. Fuck the rest. Don't overcomplicate it because the secret is it's not that complicated. Don't let life calcify you. If you need a break take it. Don't live outside your means or you will end up regretting it and wondering how you could possibly NEED so much and not be able to afford it. A sobbing mess because how can you come up with 30 grand by the end of the week for whatever imagined expenses you did to yourself? That's because the truth is you don't need it and you never did. Not to say you should live like a slob or not buy expensive things you love (within your means). Or invest in your health, happiness, self, loved ones, etc. Invest and spend are two different concepts. The end.

Got another eye surgery again in March. Of course I'm a little frightened. Anyone who complains about getting necessary surgery (not elective) is an ungrateful brat. I'm grateful. Thank you so much for all the surgeries. They've sucked. I'm better for it. My body is stronger. My mind is sharper. To these medical teams: You've taken incredible care of me. And body i'll continue to Take great care of you. You as well mind. And to those I care about I gotchu. It's only up from here. Eeeeeeye!!!!! Also quit yer bitching about being able to receive necessary healthcare. Yeah it sucks. It's fine to complain A LITTLE. otherwise I don't wanna hear it. You're lucky you ungrateful brats. CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE.

I write you long responses as a sign of respect. I also just have a lot to say. Otherwise it's not that deep. Full stop.

Rant on adult leech culture

Positive rant

I hate the holidays. Give me a weekend. Cool. Otherwise just let me work. That's where I'm at right now. Times change. I guess I should hit the gym. Siiiiiigh.

I can't believe how long it's been since I've paid for anything in physical cash. It's the weirdest feeling. Also coins are evil incarnate. Idk how people put up with that clanky nonsense. And I always have something I need to research. Luckily I've decluttered my life to an extent I USUALLY can if motivated enough but I understand a lot of ppl don't have that luxury/ never did. Therefore it causes this endless cycle of obesity, poverty, highly preventable disease, lack of education, apathy, taking the path of least resistance, not caring for yourself, letting yourself die on the inside, not realizing every day is a gift, etc. The list goes on. Live every day passionately because a lot of the "work for the future thing" is a necessary illusion. Necessary but an illusion nonetheless.

YES!!!!!!!!!!! unrelated

I understand why people hate their siblings so passionately. I didn't growing up but I do now. I honestly may not talk to my only sibling for another 2 years. Yeah I've already done it once and I think I'm going to do it again to pound into their thick skull that they need to cut out their monstrous behavior or I'll cut THEM out of my life until the behaviors change. Because they make me the worst version of myself and I won't allow that from anyone - ESPECIALLY my sibling. I expect the BEST from you sibling. EXPECT. If you're not delivering then get to stepping until you can.

I lost or hopefully misplaced my wallet....... SO SHITTY.

I hate people who openly pity party on huge social media platforms and then pity party about social media not making an exception and "respecting their specific pity party". They're just being regular trash social media. No. There's no exception for you. Tf did you expect? You idiot. Also get your fucking life together like everyone else in the world has to. We all have problems. You think you're an exception???? N.A.R.C.I.S.S.I.S.T!

i eventually become disillusioned with everything. sometimes i pick it back up or only become cynical/realistic of certain aspects. i can confidently say kmedia has hit that threshold for me now; i can also say I'm sincerely happy about it. i wonder what parts i'll keep. i know i am ALL ABOUT that kbeauty skincare life and a true stan of 2 kpop bands and a few members of the bands.

I fell asleep with a full face of makeup on for 8+ hours. I'm going to take it off now so I can put it back on again in 5 more. I'm disgusting.